This is a photo on my (f28)Instagram. My brother in law (m42) reacted to it in DM, and said the above. I feel I replied normally, but now my sister (f39) apparently saw the message and is saying that I engaged in hot discussions with her man! I am myself married and I feel so bad now. I told my husband who said I did nothing wrong. Any idea how I could approach my sister ?
To be as charitable as humanly possible to her, I’d imagine the bit she has a problem with is where you mentioned you’re “not hiding much”, engaging in that conversation rather than shutting it down immediately?
Just to be clear, I’m absolutely not saying you’re in the wrong, or she’s in the right; you clearly didn’t engage in that type of conversation, and I imagine she’s eager to place the blame on you rather than face the fact that her husband is very obviously leching on her sister.
But I would hazard a guess at that being the bit she’s hung up on. Also his messages made my skin crawl, they’re weird as fuck.
You are totally right and I’m mad at myself for having written that. I replied too quickly. She thinks I wanted to engage on a chat about the size of my titties 😓
Guy was being an absolute creeper and you should have said “what the fuck?” But instead you did as you have been programmed and tried to maintain civility and not embaress the man who decided to harass you unprompted and continue when you gave the indication that you were uncomfortable.
You did nothing wrong here and now it’s your fault because you are the woman in the exchange. Your sister would do welll to be an ally but if she doesn’t want to you ought to ask her how many DM’s her husband has sent out like that to other woman that she hasn’t seen. Then tell her to fuck off, tell him to fuck off and block him on whatever platforms you share.
Fuck that’s so infuriating.
Stunning. No bra I guess? A bit risky but very elegant.
How the fuck is one supposed to respond to this bullshit? We try to avoid uncomfortable situations even after other people have already created them, so we tend to entertain people a bit too long.
Of course in retrospect it would have been better to not engage with him at all, but it’s hard to completely understand what’s going on at the spot, and as humans we feel a need to respond.
Don’t be mad at yourself. You’re not the creep here.
For the record for anybody else reading this in the future- if my BIL (who my sister married when I was 11) had said that to me, I would’ve replied, “Ew, what the fuck are you doing?” And immediately called my sister.
I get that we are giving grace to the person who received the thirst message, that’s fine, but you don’t have to “play nice” to anyone making comments about your body. If you need to, stop and think about what you’d want your sister to say if your husband was being a creepy asshole. (My sister would just want me to call her immediately. The ‘ew’ message is gratis.)
Oh no absolutely not, don’t be mad at yourself - you replied in a very normal way, and haven’t done anything wrong – his intentions are colouring the chat.
I’m trying to understand what were his intentions though. Like, what was his best possible outcome? That I would say “hey here is what they look like”?! It’s really weird. I don’t get. And he is a smart guy normally
Look, I try to see the good in everything, but there’s no other way to look at it, that first message just comes off as creepy as fuck. Idk how close you are with your sister but it sounds like her man should be the person in trouble here.
Edit: thinking about this some more, if both of you were not in a relationship it would still be on the creepy side imo but I guess that could be construed as a pickup line. But in this situation ? Ew.
I would just let her calm down. If she reads your response with a clear head she’ll probably realize that he was the instigator and you were just being polite.
Dude your sisters husband is a fucking creep. You did nothing wrong.
If my brother in law said something like that to my wife he’d have an issue with me though.
I feel like the answer to every post on these sorts of communities is “you need to have a responsible conversation about boundaries with all parties involved”
Did people not learn this as kids?
