I’ve been more active in online spaces recently and I am just astounded at the number of times I’ll be several comments deep with another person and a man will just jump in responding to us both with the least relevant most inflammatory take. The gender of the person I’m talking to is never relevant, but it’s always a guy that interjects. I know the internet is a public forum, and I guess there’s more guys on some platforms than women, but it’s just shocking how often it has happened. We’ll be talking about baking and some guy will come in and say that it actually costs more to bake bread at home or clothes and some guy will come in to say actually both our styles are bad. It’s not even a sexist thing I don’t think, I just think women are socialized more with a live and let live mentality and men are socialized to believe that everyone should hear their opinion. I don’t really have any solutions. I always want to reply with something snarky about how we’re not asking him or how his comment doesn’t need to be shared, but I don’t want to invite harassment. Their comments get upvotes or reacts in agreement and it just feels targeted. Like two people were having a casual chat and this guy comes in and derails and gets positive attention for it. I’m just venting now because it just happened in a gaming discord and I don’t really have people irl who understand how these communities are helpful and how that kind of community reaction is ostracizing.
I remember reading some study, years ago now, that if there’s a mixed group of women and men, the women were considered “pushy” if they spoke more 1/3 of the time. There was another study where they found that male Supreme Court justices were three times as likely to interrupt a woman Supreme Court justice than they were to interrupt a male Supreme Court justice. Another one that if a man expounded on a topic, he was more often viewed as an expert sharing their knowledge, but the same thing in a woman was seen as “too aggressive”. It’s exhausting, honestly :(
Yes. I think remember one where people read a story and the name was changed and when it was a male name they gave positive words like leader and decisive and with a female name it was negative like pushy and demanding.
This isn’t exactly what I was talking about but came up immediately on a search: https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2014/12/10/study-finds-gender-perception-affects-evaluations
Maybe if this community only wants women they should defederate and setup some kind of ID system
Why? I’m a man and just stumbled in this thread. Since it’s clearly not meant for me, I’ll probably block this community if it keeps popping up. Defederating seems like some kind of last resort to me, and also a very good way of preventing people from finding you.
I’m glad they federated. I would not have found this community otherwise and Lemmy is so small I don’t think it’d make sense to make the community harder to find. I wonder if they can set up a flared users only situation. I’m not sure what things look like on the mod side of Lemmy though.
So clearly there are benefits of federation
OP seems to want all the good parts of being inclusive and exclusive without accepting any of the bad parts of those things.
I am OP. I said nothing about inclusive or exclusive spaces. The brackets in my title were added because it’s a community rule and I was understandably asked to add that.
What in the post suggests anything about inclusive or exclusive anything? I was noticing a pattern and sharing my annoyance at it. I also shared what I believe to be the cause of the pattern. I did not say it shouldn’t be allowed or that they were bad people. I also made it clear I didn’t believe it to be sexism and that the gender of the person I would originally be speaking to seemed largely irrelevant. Not sure how this would be interpreted as exclusionary.
This is a great post, thanks for posting it. Men can often do that, and women are often trained to be diplomatic, passive and non confrontational so they’re used to us staying quiet when they do. Some men may just think they’re being helpful “correcting” us, but some are just being hostile. Often comment history shows a pattern of targeting women for these comments.
Gaming is bad for misogyny, and scarily, right wingextremist group recruitment is linked to gaming groups. It includes incel mentality grooming, so I’m not surprised you’ve experienced it there.
It’s interesting seeing down voting… feminist stuff too often gets down votes, and I’ve no doubt it’s misogynists doing it. Misogynistic men tend to back each other up if it’s against a woman which is shitty.
It’s all really disappointing that this still happens, and I dunno if it’s getting worse or just more vocal.
Agree all around. I saw a thread recently about street harassment and men were just circlejerking about how women are the ones targeting them 🙄
I tried to start an all female gaming server recently but of course I got a bunch of responses from men explaining how that’s sexist and some other presumably well meaning guys that explained that they are feminists and understand if I don’t want men but would be happy to join if I ever wanted additional people. It’s hard to explain that messaging in the first place regardless of if they were nice about it is an issue. I said women only and I meant women only. They clearly saw that and still replied. I understand they were polite but that’s really not the point.
I am an autistic man (kinda) asking questions: Would you consider it more excusable if it was a hot button political issue?
It sounds like you are getting guys inserting aggressive opinions about stuff that’s ultimately way more subjective and taste related and not worth getting pushy or elitist about. Which is annoying to me as a guy who tends to like things more than dislike things.
Like Eww you Like ‘Z’? Don’t you know that ‘X’ is better you pleb. type stuff.
But with politics… and philosophy… I’ll fully admit my chill is gone in those domains. They are very very important to me.