Hey all, I am locking this post. Here is the bottom line. Blahaj is a trans safe instance. Regardless of your personal opinion on whether a term is gender neutral or not, the moment someone tells you that they are not OK with that term, that should be the end of the debate. This is a good rule not only in Blahaj but in real life. Continuing to argue with someone about what they should or should not accept in this matter is harmful.
Honestly in my social circle “Dude” has basically become gender neutral.
“Bro” is gender neutral for me. Though I still try to avoid it with transfems I don’t know very well (which is… all except one) since I can’t know if they’d tell me if it makes then uncomfortable. Since even if you know how it’s meant it can still feel bad.
One of the very few things where I’ll change how I interact with a transfem vs a ciswoman
“Dude” and “Bro” being gender neutral really varies from social circle to social circle. I always air on the side of caution although I’ve even seen some cis females call each other dude and bro
As a transfem, I definitely appreciate this.
I still think guy/dude is gender neutral. Call it the Good Burger principle:
“I’m a dude, he’s a dude, she’s a dude, we’re all dudes… HEY!”
Yeah I agree. At the end of the day I’m not going to disrespect someone by calling them something they don’t want to be called
Yeah for me, just she/her, thanks.
If you wanna borrow from old gang verbage, you can call me girl, I suppose. Like “whaddup, girl” or babe is nice too. Like… Maybe call me something sexy and degrade me, don’t nullify me by making me into a man. I would rather be a sex toy, a literal object, than be a man.
Yeah I use all those in gender neutral ways. “Man” can start a sentence and not be directed at anyone.
My closest gender neutral family member likes dude, if you’re in doubt just ask, they’ll appreciate it
Dunno, I use “dudette” pretty frequently with my girl friends (and I don’t mean Egg Carriers™, nor do I have something better than “girl friends” - initially wanted to go for “chick pals” as a snappy equivalent, then I started feeling like That One Creepy Uncle). Actually use “dudette” more than I do “dude,” it has a nicer sound to it.
As I see it, “dude” is gender neutral when used as an interjection, same as “man” and “guy.”
Soooo much appreciation for this 🩷 I think I’ll forever mentally twitch when people use dude, man, mate, bro, etc. towards me. I totally know it’s done in a gender neutral way, but I still feel a small pang in my heart.
How’s Homie sit with you? (I think Homie is a great gender neutral term!)
Using a validating, non vaguely-male term is great, though!
Most of the terms are like: “these are MALE terms and also girls can be ‘one of the bros’ in certain circumstances”… but that’s just not what transition is about.
We don’t want to be “just one of the bros”; you gotta understand that:
a) that’s NOT what a lot of us after,
b) the world doesn’t revolve around men and being men and being masculine (and perpetuating that male chauvinism perspective is shitty),
and c) it’s okay to call girls, girls, and to be a woman. That isn’t a negative or lesser or othering l thing, despite how much of society raises us to believe.
I’m also not saying that we don’t want to be included wherever we feel comfortable fitting in, we absolutely do. And I think a lot of allies understand that. But just as many allies understand that trans women feel left out from being included in feminine spaces, as well. And sometimes, while we may fit in better with the bros, way more than the girls, that itself can feel awful and really get the dysphoria going. Sometimes though, some of us realize that the dudes that are bros we realize are hot and dumb and we want to be closer to them for… different reasons.
Personally, I’m poly and pan and just want everybody to get along and not have weird stereotypically forced gender segregated hobbies, interests, and cliques anymore because that’s weird and uncomfy. I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore I haven’t eaten today yet. Homie is fine, I guess, but borderline, personally. I don’t know a better replacement.
Haha that was a lot.
Thank you for that perspective.
I am not very close to many trans people so most of my approach just comes from wanting to be able to be ‘buddies’ strictly plutonic friends with people of any gender.
I found for CIS people that homie was welcoming and friendly and more likely to get thrown around by everyone as its a little silly
I can appreciate the importance of recognizing someone’s gender especially if they are experiencing dysmorphia and I appreciate you pointing out that importance
I’m a person who calls everyone “dude”, “bro”, “man” etc. regardless of gender. When I talk to a woman using those words, my mentality isn’t that they are necessarilly “one of the bros” specifically meaning “similar to one of my male friends”, but more that I’ve never called anyone “sis” or “girl” in my life, and I’m not about to start. I also don’t like using gendered pronouns in any conversation, regardless of who I’m talking to. For example, instead of “him” or “her”, I will usually say " 'em" (short for them).
To me, I am not talking to a man or a woman; I am talking to a human.
With my transfem friends, though, I usually just call them by their name, since that seems to be a good compromise.
Who knows. Maybe I’ll just start calling everyone “comrade”
My long-time friend and hair stylist very occasionally uses that with me and her other girl friends. She uses it super occasionally and in such a loving way that it doesn’t bother me as much. It’s very context dependent with her since she’s so caring and affirming to me and usually uses girl, sis, beautiful, babe, etc. If someone I didn’t know used that with me, I’d probably understand it’s being used in a gender-neutral way, but it originates from ‘homeboy’, so it still carries that slight weight.
