Your school’s infrastructure was apparently even shittier than mine. In any case, he was a skinny little high schooler - that thing could have been screwed into drywall and still supported his weight.

…and if you don’t think a water fountain spout could fit up someone’s ass, I’ve got some foreign object removal stories from working in the OR that… well, you probably also wouldn’t believe, but you’d be amazed what an anal sphincter can accommodate.

my high school had a string of vandalism where some kid was pulling all of the water fountains out of the walls

Anyone remember that “devious licks” trend?

There’s also insertion and water pressure issues. It doesn’t add up, I tell you.