Wait, going to bed early is a sign of depression? Or the not eating part?
When you go to bed because the alternative is trying to force yourself to do things you once enjoyed to kill time
When you get into bed at 7 pm and don’t manage to get out of it till 11 am
When you don’t feel hungry but you haven’t eaten in a day or two and you know you should and people would want you to but you can’t bring yourself to go make or get it and not eating feels satisfyingly self destructive
Thankfully now I can be mostly asleep for 15ish hours, it was hell when I would go to bed at 7 to avoid existence and would wake up at 3
I should really just unalive myself and get it over with, things are worse than when I started drugs and therapy and there’s no way things are going to get better. Things don’t improve unless you improve them and I’ve tried and failed over and over
I can’t say I’ve been there, but as another person on the Internet, I can say that sometimes failing a lot is the only viable path forward and it sucks. It’s the famous quote about the invention of the lightbulb, it took over 1,000 attempts to get something that worked well, and when asked what that felt like to fail so many times, Thomas Edison is attributed for saying, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times, I discovered a thousand ways not to make a lightbulb.”
So I guess I’m saying to keep finding ways that don’t work and I hope you do get your lightbulb soon!
