You have a couple of options:

First, get the gun, but before that, line up a “firing pin buddy” who can keep parts to make sure your firearms cannot fire. You give the person your firing pins when needed, or they feel they need to.

Or, don’t get a gun, and git gud at other valuable skills. First aid, mutual aid networking, etc etc. Also, pepper gel is decent enough for self defense. Also, cane fighting skills work well, and a lot of self defense cases exist, for example.