Sorry, I refused to file charges because I ain’t no snitch. It would have been reduced to a misdemeanor anyways. You’re going to need to try harder.

Unfortunately for you, that’s called “menace” and its merely a misdemeanor.
You’ll need to do more than this to get a proper conviction-- aggravating the charge by involving a weapon or minors might be a good option for your goals. You need to be much more creative with your criminality if you ever want to enter the gentry class. Consider white collar crime, or creating jobs by hiring some minions. Now that trump is in office, it will be a particularly attractive time to venture into federal crimes, or crimes that cross state or national boundaries.

(/s)