Republicans didn’t start caring about abortion until they decided they could go after the Catholic vote. Even Evangelicals didn’t have a position on it until Republicans started to target them with misinformation about it. Those people think that they literally take screaming babies and putting them into a blender. There’s a video they made in the 80s called “the silent scream” that they used to scare kids with.

I’m going to start a 3rd party. This party is going to be the “Fuck America” party. My party is going to run on the ideals that America is awful, and that trump is not a problem, he’s a symptom. America is the one who overwhelmingly approved of his ideas. I’m going to openly state FUCK GOD, THERE IS NO GOD. I’m going to take the stance of FUCK EVERYBODY. You guys want to argue about if boys and girls and trans should all be allowed to play high school sports together? Ok, here’s what we’re going to do, assholes. Boys and girls and trans can all play on the same teams together now. BUT!!! Every school district will also have one new team. This team won’t have students on it. You want to play basketball with boys and girls and trans, that’s fine, but we’re going to also make you play games against professional athletes who are trying to qualify for the national olympic teams. Why? Because then no matter which high school team you’re on, you lose. Everybody loses. That’s the message here. Equality for all, and fuck all of you because humans are the worst.

Then I hear people argueing about abortions. Can a woman have an abortion, or is it against gods will? You know what? Fuck that! Forced abortions for men. All men will now have their balls smashed by the youtube show Hydrolic Press. We put all your balls into the hydrolic press, and let an industrial size piece of machinery squish them flat. No more babies.

And as for women, we’re going to treat you equally too! No more opening the doors for you, or holding your chair. No more weddings, or divorce. No more considering your opinion on stuff. What? You thought when a bunch of guys get together, we all sit around and consider each others feelings? No. We wrestle each other and punch each other to decide where we’re going to eat that night. Doesn’t matter if your vegan, we’re eating at a place called gut busters meat emporium. Because Steve, with the biggest bicepts broke your nose, and you were too much of a pussy to get up and punch back.

Dogs are now manditory in government. Every government position is now held by a dog, because dogs are better than people, and they’re the only good boys!

…what? Why is everybody staring at me? Oh my god, was I talking outloud?