If my kid ever feels like this, I am going to be angry, and have a LOT of questions. Mostly in a very pissed off tone.

…I don’t have kids, and the last time someone COULD HAVE potentially gotten pregnant from me and kept it secret would have been 2006. But I’m 99.9% sure I don’t have kids.

So if I found out I have a kid, I would be confuuuuuuused.