I have two teenaged boys brought up together , close in age, and most of their lives had an intact family and comfortable life …
- one has anxiety, the other doesn’t
- one has sleep issues, the other doesn’t
- one has overeating issues, the other doesn’t
- one is sedentary, the other an athlete.
- one has allergies, the other doesn’t
I don’t know what to make of my younger kid: he does his homework on time and gets good grades. He goes to bed on time and gets a healthy amount of sleep. He eats a healthy amount with good nutritional choices. He’s an athlete on a varsity team and likes working out. He’s open to new experiences, new cuisines, new knowledge, and has friends different races, preferences, and peer groups. He’s popular with both fellow students and with teachers. He’s not anxious nor bullying nor mean. I don’t understand him at all.
There are just so many factors that go into a person’s experience of life. Even something as simple as being on the older side or the younger side when you first start school can have a giant impact.
When our youngest was just at the age where she was allowed to get up and turn on the TV by herself and watch something while we were sleeping, 9-11 happened. I left the house early for work that morning. When my wife got up, our daughter was terrified. They had repeatedly interrupted Nickelodeon to show the planes hitting the buildings, and she was too young to understand that it was the same planes being shown over and over - she thought planes were falling out of the sky all over and crashing into buildings. She was waiting for one to hit our house. It took a long time before we realized that’s what she was thinking. At 27, it’s still left lasting issues. If she had been younger, she wouldn’t have seen it, and if she had been older she would have likely understood better.