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18 points

We’re missing way too much context here. Public or home? My home or someone else’s? How many other people are nearby? Which body parts are involved? If this is a poop situation, how much and how firm? Is there a bidet/hygiene sprayer?

Depending on context there are many potential solutions:

  • Waddle to another stall/undersink cabinet and look for spare rolls.
  • Sacrifice “lefty” until you can get to the sink.
  • Sacrifice undies forever, tossing them in the trash.
  • Use the tube as-is.
  • Use the tube after wetting it.
  • See if there are paper seat liners that could be pressed into service.
  • Or, y’know, ask for help. I understand that in certain conditions, three squares to spare should do it.
  • Pull up pants and move along. Make extensive and unfriendly eye contact, implicitly daring anyone to say anything.
  • Move into the stall permanently. You’re a toilet-human now.
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