My mom is far too forgiving and it absolutely messed me up a little. But I’m also not a fucking dumbass on autopilot so I acknowledged shortcomings and fixed them. Their fathers also allowed that behaviour to happen, and it’s not even unlikely that they stopped the mothers “being so hard on them” if they stepped in in the way you’re asking for. The mothers had to put up with shit and have borderline to actuall PTSD and are too protecting themselves to go after the very behaviour they’re trying to avoid needing to deal with.

No, the moms are not to blame.