I read a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. My mom is similar, and it gave me a lot of insight into why she behaves the way she does, and how I may have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result. Highly recommend.
I’ll look at it- I care about my mom a ton so it’s hard for me to criticize her. But, I also understand sometimes she doesn’t act in a supportive way
You should at least recognize that you’re holding a double standard here: she’s able to criticize you all she wants yet you know she cares and loves you, but it’s hard for you to criticize her because you care.
That kind of double standard is an unhealthy dynamic that hurts both of you and your relationship with each other. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it was either of your intent for it to be that way, but it has ended up that way regardless of best efforts.