cross-posted from: https://reddthat.com/post/24388390
Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out to ask for advice and insights on how you manage emotional dysregulation. Lately, I’ve been finding it challenging to handle intense emotions, especially when they seem to come out of nowhere or are triggered by small things.
I know this is something that many people in the AuDHD community experience, so I’d love to hear about any strategies, tools, or practices that have worked for you. Whether it’s specific techniques, coping mechanisms, or lifestyle changes, I’m open to anything that might help.
Thank you in advance for your support and for sharing your experiences. I really appreciate hearing from others who understand what this is like.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
I just woke up but I’ll have a response for you when I can.
Apologies for the late response, I had a day.
For some context, some time ago I ended my first long-term relationship and the following months I was highly reactive, erratic, impulsive, and perpetual filled with anger. These bouts of rage seemingly came out of nowhere and got to the point where I didn’t feel safe driving or socialising. After three or so months I decided to see a therapist - where a few months, they suggested I may be on the spectrum after discussing my patterns and troubles.
One of the most important takeaways I got was:
- All emotions are valid. Emotions are simply messengers (think like phone notifications) that are signalling something of “interest”. If you keep ignoring it without addressing the cause (i.e. swiping away the notification instead of dealing with the content/application), that emotion/notification will keep popping off especially if it’s caused by something important/difficult. It’ll pop up in different ways, in inappropriate contexts, and with different intensities until it explodes - saying “I need to be addressed”. For me, I exploded into a rage over an old basketball my auntie was intent on keeping.
Everyone will react to different situations with different emotional responses. You can’t control a reaction, especially an emotional one. It’s the following behaviour that is under your control and should be questioned. E.g. It’s perfectly valid for me to feel “anger” at perceived impractical behaviour but belittling them in response is probably not the best action.
Others tid bits I partially remember and be happy to expand on:
- Window of Tolerance. What are signs of you being in hypoarousal and hyperarousal? You are at your most effective as a person when you are in between, within the window.
- Understand whats stimuli or activities calm you down. Taste, smell, sounds. Listening and paying attention to what you like and writing it down can be fun because you can kinda rediscover yourself by the stuff you take for granted (e.g. I like the smell of petrichor and that calms me down)
- S.T.O.P
1.Stop, pause, and don’t react 2.Take a step back, walkway, and take a deep breath 3. Observe, notice your surroundings and how you feel 4. Proceed mindfully
- Use the Mammalian Diving Reflex. This is a catch-all calming method since most if not all individuals have.
There’s so much one could talk about (mindfulness exercises, understanding what you can control such as moving away from an environment or adjusting the environment to your needs, being able to say no and draw boundaries) that a therapist can cater to your need that’s it might be worth an investment in to get a solid foundation and guidance if it’s available.
Again, sorry for the late message but I’m happy to expand on each of these that seem applicable, especially when I’m in front of a PC rather than my phone. Here for you friend ✌️
Thank you. This is important, but I need to process it.
My situation is a little different, but it’s similar to the end of a long-term relationship, and I went through nearly all of what you’ve described. A few months have passed, and I feel like I’m nearing the end of whatever this is. I also reacted strongly to something insignificant, like a basketball, before I realized I needed to address it. If it’s not too personal, could you give an example of what you mean by signs of being in hypoarousal and hyperarousal? I’ve noticed situations where I’ll freeze up if I feel judged, and I’ve also caught myself stimming (rocking side to side in my chair when I’m overstimulated or stressed). I haven’t been officially diagnosed yet, but I no longer have any doubts that I’m on the spectrum.
Don’t apologize, I do the exact same thing, and I knew you didn’t want to reply unless it was high-quality. What you posted was perfect. Thank you.
