Hard to explain exactly. I think she meant it humorously, except in a way where she kinda meant it? I think it was in the context of her ex sexually abusing her and me saying I was nothing like that.

It’s not cool to say, “my ex was a crazy bitch.” I was no paragon of maturity myself. But I do think she had some issues. She was about 22 (I think that’s how old I was) and that had been her second marriage, and there were issues with how we treated one another that spoke to both of our immaturities.

I think the whole thing lasted about 3 months, so it wasn’t like it was so bad that I instantly left. But it sticks in my craw nearly thirty years later. On some level, she meant that. And she probably told her next partner I was part of the pattern of abuses she suffered—waving her damage around like a broken wing looking for… something.

She’s probably grown up by now. Most of us do. Those are some really awkward years for a lot of us.

ETA: Thinking on it, the thing is she was trying to bring me down to her ex’s level. She was joking that I shouldn’t hold myself above the guy who abused her. That’s just not funny even in a playful way. No matter how tee hee you say it, that’s toxic as fuck.