Playing hard to get is a big fucking red flag. It shows a lack of maturity and a lack of truthfulness. It also shows a willingness to be deceitful to your partner.
This, right here. Don’t date people who play mindgames. Start a relationship the way you mean for it to continue; with open and honest communication.
Yes, obviously flirting is about dropping hints, and that’s fine, but at the point where the hinting stops and one party says “I’m into you and I hope you’re into me too”, there should be no bullshit. If you like someone you show them the basic respect of saying what you fucking mean.
I mean, I’m more than happy to play along for the sake of having a playful time… but come on… don’t waste weeks of my life
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“playing hard to get” is a female fantasy, not a male one. She likes the idea that she’s so HIIIIIIIIIEYEIIIIGH, high above me, she’s so lovely that I’m willing to throw my family in a canyon to prove my worth to her. Boosts her delusions of grandeur.
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There is a certain kind of men who do enjoy the chase. They call themselves “pickup artists.” Normal men are either looking for something casual or something long term, and in both cases they’re interested in finding a woman who is also looking for similar terms and don’t really want that chore maximized or complicated beyond what it already is.
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Women do not know how to play hard to get. They implement “hard to get” as “flatly refuse.” I think a separate hatred of expressing consent is why they don’t say something like “You’ll have to do better than that.”
Have you ever been inside a sex club?
If you spend even 20 minutes in a sex club, you can watch and see numerous examples of how you’re wrong. It might help you understand the sexual behavior and cues of women.
Sex clubs?? What? No. Most people people learn in normal ways. Also “the sexual behavior and cues of women” is such a creepy way to put that
My daughter is almost 5 and I’ve made a conscious effort to stop doing whatever I’m doing if she says stop or no.
For example, tickling. If I’m tickling and she says stop, I stop immediately with no back talk.
Or if I’m copying her in a joking way (we both do it to each other from time to time) and she says stop, that’s it. We’re done.
When I’m snuggling with her after reading books before bed, she feels comfortable enough to say, “you can go now” and I that’s it. I leave with no complaints.
In non-safety situations I ask if I can hold her hand. If she says no, that’s it, I’m not holding her hand. Parking lots are a different matter.
I will continue this throughout her entire upbringing so that if (ok, when) someone continues to do something she has said stop or no to, it will be unambiguously wrong to her.
Later when I explain that “no” is a complete sentence, it should feel intuitive.
Screw the haters. This is awesome. Keep it up.
My only concern with this is that she might get the impression that people will do whatever she asks, but there’s a ton of context missing which likely demonstrates those concepts to her.
My only suggestion is to make it clear that if she says no, or stop, and someone doesn’t stop, do something about that. I’m sure that will be a discussion later. She sounds young enough for it to not be very important right now.
I appreciate this.
I don’t have kids and I’m just some guy on the internet, but I appreciate you nonetheless.
We’ve been doing this with our kids; and when they say “no” and someone doesn’t stop, you better believe they say something about it!
Similarly, we’ve been getting consent before the doctor checks any underwear space. No pushback from any doctors or nurses for that either.
I think that you probably need to make some exceptions for doctors, etc., since children will say ‘no’ to things that they actually need, like vaccines, or dental work.
The older one just had a dental appointment today, and was uncomfortable with some of the procedures. My wife talked him through things along with the hygenist, and for a few things she took a different approach he was more comfortable with.
With vaccine reluctance, we generally go straight to bribes. We treat ourselves after doing something like that anyway, so why not them?
So far, we haven’t had any issues yet!
This is so sweet and awesome it made my morning
Some advice my parents gave me is: Theres two answers: yes, and everything else
An example of this with me and my gf is that this being my first relationship I am wanting to take this REALLY slow and she respects this. But anyways I don’t remember what she asked it was something pretty tame but I said “maybe” and she responded with “that wasn’t a no but it wasn’t an enthusiastic yes either”
Boy is she in for a ride awakening when she goes out into the world. Kids like yours don’t fare well when their world view gets shattered the first time.
You must have missed this part:
I will continue this throughout her entire upbringing so that if (ok, when) someone continues to do something she has said stop or no to, it will be unambiguously wrong to her.
It should feel wrong to her. That’s the point. And there will be explanations later that not everyone respects the first “stop” or “no” and that she should do something about those people.
She will learn about guns and I will offer to help her get a license to carry. I’m afraid those that would not respect her “stop” or “no” will be the ones getting their world view shattered.
It’s kind of strange that you seem to believe I won’t be able to explain this…
I’ve already had to explain that she can completely ignore people, including adults, who say things like, “god will punish you” and she’s not even 5 yet.
I mean isn’t that most kids though? First time or in the world no matter how you do it is a shock.
What OP is doing is just the first steps to what I’m guessing is going to be a continuing education about how is ok to say no and should be respected. It isn’t the end of the road for the conversation about no
Children are, at some point, going to learn that the world is an awful place. This is inevitable. But it will go much better for them if, like in the example you’re responding to, they’ve been equipped with the tools required to navigate that awfulness.
What would you prefer? That they teach their child never to exercise any autonomy over their own body? How is that preferable?
God so much about old fashioned courtship is utterly fucked up. I remember reading a critical analysis of “baby it’s cold outside” going through all the things explaining how she can’t say she wants to stay because that would be promiscuous so instead she’s using all these subtle more socially acceptable things and he’s trying to offer her some excuses and it’s a whole thing. Holy shit who has time for all that just so you don’t essentially get fucking excommunicated?
That’s a pretty rapey song, especially considering the time period. I like the song, but when we performed it, the gender roles were reversed at least.
It’s not a rapey song. Yes, to modern us it sounds like it was made by Dennis Reynolds, but no it’s not. Before looking too deeply at the lyrics, just ask yourself first, “does it make any sense you write a Christmas duet about raping a woman?” No, it doesn’t. It’s a playful song about making excuses to stay together longer. It’s kind of a crap song anyway, so I’m not even saying this to defend a sign I like; I’d be happy to never hear it again.
“No means no” means “no means no.” You don’t get to have it both ways!
Look, lady, we went through decades of the women’s lib movement to finally get guys to respect your wishes and quit harassing you with unwanted advances. But now you expect us to be clairvoyant or some shit when you say “no” but don’t really mean it?!
Fuck that! You get respected whether you like it or not.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.