Fellow executive dysfunction pals! Lend me your short attention spans!
Here are my tips for voting:
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Vote by mail if your state allows it. This is the forgetful/introvert/agoraphobic cheat code. Set 5 reminders to mail it back by the due date.
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If you can’t do mail, use early voting if it’s available in your area. This means barely a wait (unless it’s the lunch hour or right before/after commuter hours) and it’s easy to walk in whenever you feel like it or you’re already out running errands nearby. I think you can even set some phones to remind you of a thing when you’re near a location, like your early voting station, if you use that kind of thing.
If you can’t vote early or by mail:
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Text a friend or family member you don’t usually flake on and set up a time to accompany each other to the polls. Bring snacks and shit to do in case there’s a line. This is easier if you are assigned the same polling station. In some states, you can vote outside your assigned station, but it might be a provisional ballot, which means they don’t “count it” until they verify you didn’t vote at any other location.
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You may be entitled to take off work in order to vote and your company might even give you paid leave to do it. Depends on your job and your state.
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If money motivates you, schedule an Uber or Lyft to the polls ahead of time and let their greedy cancellation policy fuel you to just go so you’re not wasting the money you already spent.
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Get a fucking dripping fit and make a rule that you can’t wear it out for the first time until you are going to the polls. Get that new outfit dopamine, you tiger!
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Schedule a hair appointment for election day and add on a styling service at the end so that you look fresh as hell and be motivated to go vote just so you can bless us with your beautiful hair before you go shower or sleep and it’s never quite as good looking.
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Are you a people watcher or do you get jazzed to try out random accents on every other person in public for fun? Sign up to volunteer as a poll worker and you’ll be there anyway while also getting that juicy, helping-humanity-by-volunteering dopamine. Check with your county auditor to get started. They may need you to attend poll worker training ahead of time.
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Download a mobile app game/handheld console game/new movie/cliffhanger-ending TV show episode and make a rule that you can’t play it/watch it until you’re in line at the polls. The time will fly by.
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Do kegels in line at the polls. If the wait is long, remind yourself it’s only making you an even more powerful sex god.
If you’re not sure about how to vote and it seems overwhelming, that’s because it is and it’s been made that way on purpose.
Reply to this comment with your state and I’ll personally look up your election shit because I care really deeply about access to voting and human-systems design. My nerd knowledge in these areas is useful only about once a year, like a rare stone solstice sunbeam.
