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58 points

I’ve never heard this guy talk so hearing his voice…

I mean, I’m not saying that I’ve ever talked to a couch fucker but…yeah, the voice sort of says couch fucker.

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22 points

There’s a reason that rumor spread so effectively

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18 points

The author of the tweet never even tried to claim it was true, either. When the couch thing blew up, they even specifically said that it was just a joke. You’re exactly right, though. There’s just something about Vance that makes it seem believable.

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17 points

Well, if you’ve read any of his Hillbilly Elegy, it fits. He does this weird oscillation where he talks about his humble roots, and then is incredibly condescending towards anyone in a similar situation.

Apparently he’s better than that now.

He could talk about how he was so desperate he fucked his couch. But then, once he had money, he was able to attract an actual woman. He still occasionally fucks a couch, just for nostalgia, but all those other people who are still fucking couches are sad and gross.

It would blend right in.

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16 points

Lets call it what it is. He fucks underage couches. That makes him a rapist. He’s a couch rapist.

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8 points

He read of therapist couches and messed up the spaces in the words

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3 points

Lol, that’s good

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3 points

Is he an analrapist?

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6 points

Age of consent or not, I’ve never heard a couch talk, let alone consent.

It doesn’t matter the type of material or the designer brand the couch is either, the couch isn’t “dressed like it’s asking for it.” Unless it’s enthusiastic affirmation, it’s rape.

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5 points

I’ve never asked so I can’t say for sure that it’s not impossible, but I’ve personally never heard a couch speak. Therefore, I’m not sure any couch is capable of consent. Ergo, all couch fucking is couch rape.

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2 points

I dunno about couches but my gaydar went nuclear at that clip.

But of course, he can’t be gay, because he didn’t want to suck dicks at the age of 8.

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1 point

at least he isn’t a squeaker like shapiro or peterson.

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