formation
So, my partner of 5 years cheated on me when I was away to see friends, we had an argument just before I left, I was exhausted and my friend offered for me to come stay with them, they could clearly see I was suffering. I just needed some space from the situation and to see some friends.
I was only away for 3 days and made sure I would return the day before our anniversary.
She went out the night before I came home, went to a bar and got picked up, took them back to our place and fucked.
I only found out because I had a weird feeling about something I couldn’t put my finger on. I checked her laptop and her whatsapp through there. There was archived messages showing she messaged the guy in the morning saying you left your x item of clothing and then also asking “did you finish, I’m wet down there.” He said no, but when I confronted her she said they wore a condom. This was a lie as I got a STI that same week. But she still claims they did.
I went to therapy 2 times a week after that, I wanted to make it work. The therapist recommended time apart as she put it, we were codependent and we have a Dad/Daughter dynamic that’s imbalanced.
We had 1 month off from each other about 2months after the cheating, I still think I need more time. She keeps on saying she loves me, I don’t say it back. She says she’s grown since the time apart but she hasn’t.
How can someone love me when the actions don’t match? I can see clearly since we had the break and got back together the full lack of empathy she has for me.
She’s manipulated me, taken financial advantage of me and worst of all made me feel depressed and suicidal for the first time in my life.
Honestly I don’t think I can continue but I can’t stop feeling responsible for her. Fuck my life.
They’re all there for me? (I’m in spain)