2, an empty can of monster (just finished it) and a water bottle. Pretty standard for a night shift.

I only learned this a few weeks ago at 40 years old, now my hair is blue, both my ears are pierced and I’m a lot happier. I told my 19 year old daughter that “what will people think?” has been my mantra, now it’s “fuck 'em”

They went along with my plan to continue the meds I was previously taking (2.5 years ago) as long as I commit to working with my counselor. We’ll check back in later to discuss medication changes.

My former neighbors never truly appreciated the 4 cars in various states of disrepair taking up the majority of my driveway. I’m not a hoarder, I was just trying to keep our taxes reasonable.

Evolution

Very unsuccessfully, I’ve been fighting this fight for over 30 years in and out of the care of doctors, luckily right now I have insurance so I’m just out copays and whatever fees the psychiatrist’s office decides to send my way but it’s worth it because I’m stable. Without professional help I pile on distractions, hobbies, overwork, volunteering, etc. Not a healthy coping strategy, I’ve tried to kill myself twice (the last time earned me a 4 day medically induced coma) and been put on psychiatric hold. I know you said poor people can’t afford it but there are clinics where I live that deal almost exclusively with the homeless, if they can find a way to help them they may be able to help people in better financial positions who still can’t afford treatment on their budget.

Edit: to address your question more productively, one of the things I’ve been doing on my own is writing to myself. I have been thinking about my situation and identifying behaviors that I need to change. When I go through my days I don’t really consider my actions but when sit and really think about it I can see what I am doing that is toxic, then when I start to do it again it’s easier to identify in the moment and attempt to alter whatever I would have previously done, e.g. when I am frustrated with something one of my kids has done I used to yell quite a lot, now I excuse myself to a quiet place, calm down a bit, and then go back to address their behavior. I haven’t even seen my counselor since my last suicide attempt (less than 3 weeks ago) but I found that this has helped me immensely.

I’ve heard that positive self talk is a good thing.

No lie, if I can’t get excited to work on my car I’ll watch the first Fast and Furious movie and it gets me wrenching.

Thank you, I’m certainly happier with this than where I have been.

I’m back on meds that were working previously but I’ll be working with my prescriber starting on Friday to try sorting things out.