Banshee
Yep. Exactly this. I’m white and my wife is black. We live in one of the states where our relationship was a crime just 55 years ago.
Her grandfather has stories about what happened to people who crossed the race barrier (of course the law only punished minorities for it, not the white partner). We’re not far removed from those horrors and lunatics are already trying to drag us back.
Thank you for these links. I’m looking over them. Hopefully I can implement some and see what happens.
And I’m very aware she wouldn’t know better. It’s just difficult to get her to recognize boundaries. She always wants to play or get in your business. And I understand. She’s curious and I’m a lot more interesting than her toys.
But my issue is that while we’re teaching her those boundaries, I have pretty much nowhere to go in the apartment to escape in the meantime. Just like she wants places to hide when she wants to be alone, I need that too. I get home from shouting matches with angry people in my industry to be pounced on for a while. I don’t often have it in me to engage. I just want to be alone for a bit to recharge.
On the relationship front: probably not the place for it, but other than the cat situation, things are very good. I think we’re both too stubborn for our own good sometimes, and that’s part of what happened here.
I’ve never been a primary caretaker for a cat, so my experience is limited. That was a big part of why I was worried about getting a kitten. I’ve only been around adult cats, and most of them are chill.
Our apartment explicitly forbids the kind of advanced catifying I see online. She has scratching posts with perches, several repurposed cardboard boxes, and a bed we made out of a box and blankets. She uses all of them, and we made sure they were connected to give her an improvised play area/home base. I hope it’s enough, or at least a start.
She was separated young, I believe. She was a stray at 8 weeks old, and was possibly separated several days before being found. I don’t doubt that’s playing a role. She’s very needy. I mean, when she isn’t being hyper, she demands pets for 45 minutes or more at a time, and she’ll nip your hands if you don’t provide them. She used to jump on my face to wake me up at night for more attention. Only me though, not my partner.
I’m going to talk to my therapist next month before I consider all my options. It’s just been a struggle lately. It’s like having an autodestructive toddler with claws.
Cat tax:
Yeah, I really wanted to get an adult or senior cat if we were going to get one. I’ve had limited exposure to caring for cats, and kittens are challenging.
She actually tolerates her carrier, but our apartment doesn’t have enough space for a large dog crate so we could put food and water in there with her if she needs it.
I’m going to mull over whether or not I can hang on that long. I’m not optimistic considering how tough 3 months was. That said, we’re going to make sure she goes to a good home no matter what. She’s a good cat and someone with more experience and a better environment would no doubt love her.
Yes, it’s not only possible, but fairly easy to do! Depending on which registrar you purchased your domain through, you may be able to have them host your email. That may be the easiest option, but your registrar could suck so I can’t recommend that off-hand.
Third party providers, like mailbox.org, mailfence, proton, tuta, runbox, zoho and others can all host your email. You just need DNS records and proof it’s your domain.
Below is a link to mailbox.org’s guide on hosting with them.
I read a few different guides and it seemed like the most comprehensive. The steps should be fairly similar for every potential email host.
https://kb.mailbox.org/en/private/e-mail-article/using-e-mail-addresses-of-your-domain/
Depends a lot on what you’re looking for. If you just want email, then you have a lot of options. Mailbox.org, Posteo, tuta, mailfence, fastmail, and runbox all come to mind. If you want a full gsuite replacement, ala proton unlimited, then your options are limited.
If you self host? Absolutely. That’s a nightmare. Paying a provider (like proton, for instance) to manage your custom domain email is easy. I haven’t run into any issues having my email accepted, even by hotmail addresses.
You might run into issues with some newer TLDs, but that is slowly being fixed. Also .xyz domains get sent to spam a lot because they’re usually used for malware.
