OK, this one got me pretty good. But does anyone else come out with some weird shit when they’re on their own? I do more and more as time goes on.
I pretend to speak in different languages. I give speeches as Mao Zedong, Hitler, Churchill, Kennedy, tv preachers, etc. I play with different high pitched Lincoln sounds and encourage the troops. I’ve encouraged ships full of pirates to prepare for Spanish ships and all the treasure that awaits them. I’ve called back to Houston to describe the moons of Jupiter. I’ve recorded my farewell to my family as the ship runs out of oxygen. I’ve been Napoleon just before a large battle, Alexander making promises to the Persians.
There might be something wrong with me.
One of the most embarrassing moments of my life was when I was alone at work for hours, very slow day. I started doing my best fake German Hitler impression and oh boy, the SS were seigin’ and heilin’. We were losing the war. Out of nowhere an old dude came walking out of the bathroom. He nodded at me with a look like he was embarrassed for my ancestors and descendants, I nodded at him with the reddest face on the planet. Took me months to get over that one. Fortunately he had an out of state tag and I haven’t seen him since. I hope I never see him again.
I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t a local. He was from the other side of the country. I guess I’m googling polish dog collar.
Edit:
Nope, don’t get it.
Honestly, probably the best outcome.
Nobody wants a dirty tax evader for a child
I was with my partner at their parents’ house years ago and we were naked and had tails in our asses. I was changing the input on the TV from their bed, ass towards the door, when their dad came in. Excitedly, about to tell us about something he was psyched about like “HEY SO I JUS—“
Immediately backed out and closed the door softly. We came out ten minutes later, washed our hands, and walked into the living room where he was reading a book. He says “how’s it going!” and we’re like “Great!” and he goes back to reading.
I think he put that one in the vault.
Wonder what their parents were doing for an hour.
conservatives: crying, then praying.
liberals: laughing, then, worrying (if they live in the crappy parts of the country that persecute lgbtq folk)
It awakened something in them and they needed to rent a hotel room for a half hour.