Alternatively, does the universe collapse in on itself because they’re actually the tripartite sonic manifestations of a single three faced god?

6 points

I have no idea who are any of those people

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8 points

The esoteric mysteries of the Church of Weekend-P-R shall remain elusive to the uninitiated.

Be sure to send in your pledges though.

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6 points

Ira Glass if the battle is on land. Stephen Dubner if it is in the air. Guy Raz if it is in water.

I will not be taking questions.

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2 points

MINDY!!!

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5 points

My money is on Ira Glass. No reason other than I just like him the best.

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4 points

Malcolm Gladwell comes out of nowhere with a steel chair and claims the victory

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3 points

This is definitely a possible outcome.

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1 point

Then the reanimated corpse of Garrison Keillor shows up and all hell breaks loose.

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4 points

None. The pledge drive will just go on forever. It’s the secret to how Terry Gross hasn’t aged in 40 years.

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1 point

She’s definitely Dorian-Gray-ing somebody.

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