i will talk to my doctor about this of course but just wanted to collect my thoughts and seek out some other experiences before my next appointment. Sorry for such a long post, I guess the TLDR is I’m not sure if I lack the ability to focus enough to have ADHD.
Since I got the results i have been reading and listening to a lot of stuff about adhd. One thing I am pretty sure of is, if I do have ADHD it is the “inattentive” type, not the “hyperactive” type. Even so I am still quite conflicted about whether or not I actually have it at all. I’ll read one article and think “that’s TOTALLY me, I definitely have ADHD”. For example, I have really struggled with these things since middle school at least (i am 40 so trying to think back before high school is a bit fuzzy):
- Severe motivation deficit/procrastination, particularly for tedious tasks and long-term projects
- poor long term planning/project management (even gives me some anxiety just thinking about)
- poor long term time perception (like I’ll intend to think about and purchase Christmas gifts, but then it’s too late)
- Not great attention to detail, and I feel like I can sometimes jump to conclusions
- Some trouble finishing “last 5%”
- poor sleep hygiene. i actually fall asleep and stay asleep fine but it’s hard for me to put myself to bed at a good time and wake up in the morning. mornings have been hell my entire life.
But then I go read something else and think “hm that does not sound like me at all”. For example I am reading the book How to ADHD, and in it she says:
According to Hallowell, if you, an attention-challenged person, abandon all the distractions of modernity, go live on a farm, and finally find peace, you don’t have ADHD. If, instead, you show up to the farm and get so bored you decide to build a carnival—congratulations, you are one of us.
Like… I would absolutely not have the energy or motivation to build anything like a carnival. I would of course occupy myself with other things, I guess reading or playing guitar or listening to music, but isn’t that basically normal? I’m just not sure how to interpret this. Is this more applicable to “hyperactive” people, maybe not so much for “inattentive” people?
I’m just not sure what to make of all this yet. My whole life i have felt extremely lazy and low energy, but once i get over that initial (major) motivation problem i feel like i can focus fine and get stuff done. Is that what “hyper focus” is? Or does that more likely mean I don’t actually have ADHD?
Thanks for reading and any feedback is welcome.
Hey. ADHD diagnosed person here. Only diagnosed this year after a lifetime of feeling like a lazy former gifted kid. This looks a lot like my over-analysis spiral from a few years ago. My psychiatrist broke it down like this:
ADHD, like most things, is a spectrum. If your brain and body have trouble regulating norepinephrine then you’re probably on that spectrum. There’s no stolen valor here… Only treatment options based on diagnostics (educated guesswork). You meet the diagnostic criteria and I am confident that treatment is your best path forward to mitigate and control the reasons you scheduled time here in the first place.
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Some days my symptoms do not get in the way and I could easily pass for neurotypical. On “bad brain” days I feel like I’m losing my mind. Neuro-divergence is complex and life is weird. A diagnosis isn’t about having direct answers: it’s about narrowing down which mitigations, meditations, and medications we want to trial to increase our control over and quality of our lives.
If you accept that ADHD diagnosis, start treating it, and the treatment improves your life, that’s a huge win. If it doesn’t? Also a win. You’ve eliminated an option via experimentation and you know more about yourself. Time to try the next option. The important bit is being receptive to the attempt at making your life better.
A licensed doctor/psychiatrist is the only one that can actually diagnose you. There’s many differential diagnoses for something like ADHD. My advice is to talk to a doctor and they can give you an official assessment and your options.
The spectrum part is the key idea here. You can be fat while not being as fat as others. The existence of the people on 600lb life doesn’t make you skinny or athletic. The existence of older people than me doesn’t make me not old. Wether or not there exists someone older than me doesn’t change how much I want you to stay the fuck off my lawn.
Everything in your bulleted list sounds like ADHD to me. The fact that you wrote out a post of your thoughts which included a bulleted list sounds like ADHD to me.
I’m not a professional of course. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, so I’ve lived with this for a long time. The quote in your post could have applied to me as a hyperactive child on some days but does not apply to me now; not just from maturing and aging, but also a lifetime of developing coping skills and self-restraint.
But regardless, everyone is different. I wouldn’t put too much in stock with one quote.
But also, I have no idea what a creyos ADHD assessment is either. If it’s just some free online test I wouldn’t necessarily put too much in stock with its results either…
But yeah, it sounds like ADHD to me
But regardless, everyone is different. I wouldn’t put too much in stock with one quote.
it was just one example I could remember offhand, but yeah that makes sense.
But also, I have no idea what a creyos ADHD assessment is either. If it’s just some free online test I wouldn’t necessarily put too much in stock with its results either…
it’s a paid service my psychiatrist uses. long series of cognitive tasks, no idea how accurate it is though.
If it’s a paid service your psychiatrist uses and your doctor trusts the results, then I would too.
Why do you doubt the results if you’re trying to get help? Isn’t that the point of reaching out to a doctor in the first place?
If it’s a paid service your psychiatrist uses and your doctor trusts the results, then I would too.
“trust but verify”. i have no reason to specifically distrust my doctor, but i also know there are bad doctors out there, and psychiatry seems to be a particularly fuzzy science.
Why do you doubt the results if you’re trying to get help? Isn’t that the point of reaching out to a doctor in the first place?
well yes i want help, but i want the right help. No assessment is going to be 100% accurate. mental healthcare is not cheap and takes a long time to troubleshoot. medication has side effects. If i don’t actually have ADHD, every monthly session and hundreds of dollars spent on it is less i’m spending on whatever the actual issue is.
edit:
coincidentally found this video tonight. Russell Barkley says there are no ADHD diagnostic tests. Assessments can be helpful with research and studies of large groups, but they are not helpful in a clinical setting for individuals.
Theres a list of things that they ask to figure out if you have ADHD. If you have like 8 out of thirteen things you have ADHD. Pay attention to the qualifiers though. To the extent that your life is negatively impacted, and in comparison to your peers. Everyone loses their car keys and wallet sometimes, people with ADHD lose everything all the time, and it’s a hindrance to their everyday life. People who know you comment on your propensity to lose things. Everyone hates the tedious parts of their jobs, people with ADHD lose their job because they can’t do tedious things.
It may also be helpful to think about the things we can do. People with ADHD can access the expensive creative part of their brain and the detail oriented task focused part at the same time. This gives us the ability to think creatively while doing a task. There’s also hyper-focus, the ability to focus on just one thing for extended periods. When the two abilities combine, you can slip into a flow state that can be very productive.
Theres a list of things that they ask to figure out if you have ADHD. If you have like 8 out of thirteen things you have ADHD.
yeah I’ve done that, I’m just wary of self-reporting assessments. I’m not confident that I’m assessing myself objectively.
There’s also hyper-focus, the ability to focus on just one thing for extended periods.
yeah I’m just having trouble figuring out if my well-focused periods are just “normal people” focus or actual hyperfocus.
