Enough money to buy a lot of bitcoin. When I get to a point where Bitcoin is about $70,000 a coin. I would want my account to be worth about $1,000,000,000 usd.
Figure I can sell it to several companies. Then retire.
I’d try to fix major issues by time traveling but the reality is either that issue was inevitable, or the alternative was probably worse.
In 2009 I did a job for a client and he offered me 400 btc or $400. I took the $400 and kinda regret it. Likely as not I wouldn’t have held till now but still
Bitcoin was worthless in 2009, tbf. It wasn’t even until may 2010 that the first "purchase of anything was made with them, and that was 2 large Poppa John’s pizzas. All for a meager 10,000 btc.
I paid someone 0.1 bitcoin for a ~$30 item in 2013. I checked the receiving wallet in 2014 and it hadn’t been accessed. I reached out to the guy and told him it was worth $60 and asked him if he had access still. Explained to him how he could access it, gave him some links. I reched out to him again in 2021 and told him it was worth $4k and told him he should sell it. He said he didn’t remember how he set up a wallet and he couldn’t access it. In the end I think he likely downloaded a wallet to his computer and then got rid of that computer. Just checked today and that .1 btc is still there, worth 9600 now.
I have almost 2 coins in a corrupted wallet file. I tried to recover it for ages. I still have it, but now it just sits there mildly tormenting me for life.
Meanwhile they are probably on their yacht thinking about how lucky they are you chose the $400
steel toed boots to the minute before my dad nutted
- A fire extinguisher to the library of Alexandria.
- A small pox variolation kit to ~13thC somewhere in the Americas. Probably the PNW to preserve the linguistic diversity there, maybe the amazon river, the Tlaxcala or the groups who would go on the confederate into the Haudenosaunee.
- Vials of horse-plague to the cucteni trypillians, see if we can’t blunt that Indo-European expansion somewhat. If it’s virulent enough, maybe we get lucky and weaken the power of aristocrats across Eurasia for millenia to come. (Sorry horses!).
- Just for me, some magic mushrooms to shangqiu, henan ~325 BCE ish. See if I can’t convince Zhuang Zhou to trip with me.
It’s not so much the fire in Alexandria that you have to worry about although that is what is remembered, it’s the people who are setting fire to the library of Alexandria that you have to worry about. A single fire extinguisher won’t necessarily stop people from killing you and then burning everything down anyway.
My suggestion would be to also include a machine gun and a couple of hundred rounds of ammo so that you can kill them first and stop the fire from ever being started in the first place.
I’d go back to February of 2016, to a town in California, at the banks of the river that my friend decided he wanted to “take a swim” in, and try to stop him. I’d bring with me copies of all the news articles reporting about how he drowned in that river and that someone found his body and called the authorities. I’d show him a copy of my text messages back and forth with his sister when she told me what happened to him. She claimed that he went swimming in the river often and that he was unaware that the current that day was really strong. I wanted to believe her, but I knew he was troubled, that he ad psychosis and PTSD, and that he didn’t want to live past 40. And who the fuck swims in a river in February!? I would do my best to try and save his life.
If I could transport my mind into my childhood body with a fedora, I would go back to about three when I could say weird shit without drawing too much attention.
Then it’s just a matter of time to build my brand on the internet. I’ll start in yahoo chat rooms, responding to anyone who types 16/F/Cali, I will call them females and tell them about my sword collection. I will claim to be a ninja.
As I grow older, my methods will become more sophisticated, cell phones will open up dating apps to my awkward and slightly offensive communication. I’ll be the first to post unironic pictures of myself with a trenchcoat and swords to MySpace, thereby preventing columbine through the power of cringe.
I’ll start the incel movement a decade ahead, only to be revealed as a ten year old kid, shaming everyone involved. Then I’ll get a youtube channel and be the first gamer, playing and reviewing games while alluding to controversial opinions on immigrants and the gays, growing so big in an empty market and crashing so hard it’ll never start again, when it comes out that I roleplay as a gay femboy on tumblr.
I will take the cringe upon myself to save the world from its sins. I will be the Edgelord and savior.
