An inland urban seagull fully robbed a Greggs Chicken Bake directly out of my hands in the middle of town last year, so I applaud this man’s speed and “killer instinct”.

It landed on my shoulder, flapped it’s wings at my head to put me in the “what in the f–king f–k?!?” posture, then before I’d worked out what was going on, he’d leant forward and snatched the whole thing from my hand, before flying off, then dropping it 50 metres ahead, where him and five of his mates tucked in. I get the impression it’s a tried and tested manoeuvre.

Of course, still calls himself a seagull, but never caught a fish or seen the sea in his life, the podgy urban skybastard.

Seagulls are more endangered than people think they are, though (red listed in the UK, population decline of over 50% in the last 40 years), in large part because humans took all their food. I think a fair trade might be that they won’t steal our chips if we don’t steal their fish? You know, rather than pointless animal cruelty. Fuck this dude.

Fuck around and find out, you flying rodent