In my experience it was like making new friends but more stressful.

Dating felt a lot like looking for a job, trying to find prospects, going out on job interviews but with a relationship at stake instead of employment. You start with this rough pretext of wanting to get to know each other, and you ask questions about things that are important to you, muddling through small talk. You try to be entertaining, showing your best self until you get invested enough in each other. It’s stressful but can also be exciting because when you find someone you get along with it can be exhilarating.

Then, if you know you like someone but are unsure about whether they reciprocate your insecurities go nuts. You live in two simultaneous imaginary universes where in one, things go well and you live happily ever after, in another they declare you unfit for their life goals and leave you hurting and back to the grind of searching. Then, if you get to it, there’s the comfortable period of having your relationship defined and developing on what is ostensibly a good path and you can relax more and show your “real” self. If both of you can tolerate each other at your worst, that can lead to a proper partnership which and should feel like hanging out with a best friend. Your partner becomes your go-to person to enjoy things with and consistent companion, which obviously can be really nice.

Once you’re comfortable enough with the person? It’s like being with a best friend that you can be intimate with.

Really really depends on the person you are with. My first boyfriend was my best friend, high school sweetheart, partner and the man of my life. He died when we were 23.

I dated other people after, even got engaged, and never had the same conection. One was too narcisistic so it would make me feel insecure and jealous, another was very calm but very differenr from me so it made me feel lonely and bored sometimes.

It’s not the same experience everytime, but having someone say “I love you” and make plans for the weekend is really great

Started dating like 3 years ago. Talked to girls on some apps and decided to meet 3 of them in person. The first one I didn’t really feel a connection with, she used her phone a bit to much and it sometimes got too silent. Neither one of us wanted to meet again. The second one I felt that I really care about and we actually met two times. But she was more distant on the second date and eventually told me she didn’t want to meet again. I was devastated then but now I can see that our livets move at very different speeds, she needs time to think and wasnt ready to meet someone yet. Then I went on my third date. She and I talked about everything, she didn’t say no to my silly ideas to just walk out into the forest and find a rock to sit and talk on. I had my first kiss that night and we have been talking every day for 3 months now. We are together now and the only thing i want is to be with her.

I’m not sure anyone can neatly tie up relationships in a little bow on here, or if they can they are a world class philosopher, lover, writer. It’s humanity’s oldest hangup, the first subject of our music, the basis for wars and religions and suicides. Some people have a detached, dutiful feeling towards relationships, especially the more fundamentalist types. They see a marriage as a contract, and a duty to God, and the ‘sentimental part’ is tertiary. Others are extravagant romantics, devoting the whole of their passions and agonies to expressions of love, episodes of hot sex and dazzling adventures. Most people are somewhere in the middle of these extremes. I don’t think that any one way is right or wrong, as long as both parties are happy and there is no abuse involved.

For myself, I’m definitely a more passionate person. I am a deep feeler, I get rocked with sentiment and fears and all of the other emotions on a daily basis. My partner is a big part of my life, and it was crazy to imagine that when I had the realization. I’ve always been a loner, fascinated to and attracted to women, wanting sex with a burning need, and by the time I’d met her I had already slept with maybe five women, but the moment you don’t just ‘have sex’ but actually make love with someone, it causes a change in your psyche that you can’t really return from. It sets a benchmark for intimacy for your life.

My partner is a cool-headed, serene stoic. She has an impeccable sense of time management, she remembers birthdays and presents and wishes like nobody I’ve ever met. She’s also far more muted in her expressions of love. She won’t write a three paragraph message on a forum about romance like I am here, but she would write me a little note on the mirror saying “Have a good day at work, I love you”. That push and pull of our different energies gives us so much fuel for our relationship. Someone to chase, someone to be chased. Tale as old as time…