Let’s keep things simple two rules.

  • No giving sentience, This is a no brainer issue.
  • Let’s keep it to beings under the Animilia kingdom. “mutated virus/bacteria” is a common trope.

To start:

Let’s modify ants to have lungs.

Most insects are constrained by the amount of oxygen they can acquire through their exoskeleton.

Imagine how big they can get if they didn’t have that constraint?

75 points

Octopodes no longer die when they give birth, meaning they can teach their young and form societies.

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43 points

WAIT THEY DIE ON BIRTH!??

WTF this actually needs to be fixed.

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53 points

Submit a bug report or fork the repo and do it yourself. It’s only maintained by volunteers after all.

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6 points

But they are not social creatures, so if they were, even when they died someone in the social group could still teach the youngs

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48 points

Cows now have tetrodotoxin like Fugu fish. Incorrectly prepared cows now have the chance to kill you.

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17 points

Why did I read this like patch notes on a game?

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1 point

As it should be!

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10 points

Opposite monkey paw situation, as cows are no longer farmed due to the poison risk, global emissions are massively reduced. And the huge amounts of land dedicated to feeding cows is returned to forestry, further reducing emissions.

The poisonous cows solve climate change long before the vegans can.

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1 point

How much does the cattle rearing industry contribute to global emissions?

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6 points

According to the USDA, the US cattle industry contributes about 3.7% of US greenhouse gas emissions, and livestock as a whole is around 14.5% globally on a cursory search

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1 point

You’re giving the vegans ideas now. Lol.

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46 points

A breed of 100+ pound Chihuahua with the same temperament as the original.

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4 points

We already have wild pigs.

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41 points

Ok, take this with a grain of salt because I read about it ages ago in a dubious pop-sci book and my memory is shaky. One time, they tried to gene edit yeast to be able to survive much higher alcohol concentrations. There’s lots of good reasons to want to do this… Beer/wine is just about the strongest beverage you can make without distillation of some kind because the yeast dies. Making way higher ethanol yields just from fermentation makes biofuel way more viable. Stuff like that.

EXCEPT… It nearly escaped, and was able to survive on it’s own. Yeast is very ubiquitous in nature, so a wild yeast that can tolerate massive ethanol concentrations could conceivably have altered life on earth as we know it.

A cursory internet search isn’t turning up anything about this, but I’m pretty sure I read it in the book Everything Is Going to Kill Everybody, if anyone wants to look harder than I did.

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21 points
*

Both male and female mosquitos now drink blood and they spit some of the last person’s blood in you when they drink, causing them to spread blood borne diseases

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13 points

Don’t they already spread blood borne diseases?

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