When I’m frustrated or anxious or upset, I vent to the few friends I have. This is a negative coping mechanism as it damages our relationships. I also experience extreme remorse after doing so, which further perpetuates it because I’m constantly asking to be forgiven.
Earlier this year I tried to see a therapist and ask for advice on this. She dismissed me and said that it’s ok to do that and you can’t simply keep everything inside.
She was incorrect and was also a shitty therapist for various reasons (she was 15-30 minutes late to each session and just dismissed anything I said).
I’m hopefully trying again with a new therapist soon, but I need advice in the meantime. It is actively damaging my relationships.
“Journaling” is not an option because I can’t stop what I’m doing at work to go journal something whenever the need arises.
Thanks all. I can delete on request if needed.
Vent to an AI?
Basically for me?
I stopped doing it because there’s no-one to do it to anymore. They got tired and left.
Once I got deep into a hobby I felt less need to share anymore. Gives me something to focus on and feels separate from the grind. Perhaps your life needs more balance?
If at all possible, I would recommend you try to find a venting mechanism at work. Even if you can only let out 80% of what’s bottled up.
For me, identifying people I trust and can vent to has always been crucial when joining a new workplace. I consider myself lucky I managed to find that numerous times at clients as a consultant and now even have a manager I can vent to. Mental safety is super important at work and for me that means being able to vent sometimes. I still struggle with letting it slip out in the wrong contexts but I’m getting better.
I was once taught a technique for another problem I had. It worked well for me and could be applicable, so I’ll share:
I was told to imagine a large heavy box that can be locked. It’s helpful to imagine it in detail and make it your own. When a situation comes that would make me have the problem - in your case, something happens that makes you feel like oversharing - put it in the box and lock it.
It’s there in the box and you don’t have to deal with it right now, it’s going to wait for when you have time to deal with it in a healthy way.
Now the important part: find a time in the day when you feel comfortable, just a few peaceful minutes for yourself that you can have regularly every day. Make a coffee, sit down - anything that makes you feel alright.
Every day, in the designated you-time, open the box and take a look inside. Go back to what you’ve locked in there and evaluate. Now you have time to deal with it. Is it something that needs solving? Is it something that makes you feel certain way? Is it as big of a deal as it was when you locked it in?
Now you have time to really deal with the thing that made you upset. You will be better equipped to deal with it in the designated time when you feel alright and can focus on it. Often (though not always) you’ll find the thing shrank or disappeared completely during it’s stay in the box.