241 points

In all my years I’ve never walked into a friends home and been offered a baguette or a fresh slice of focaccia.

Well then your friends suck

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35 points

“Hey, man! Glad you could make it! Can I get you anything? Some chips, some pretzels, an entire baguette, maybe some iced tea or something?”

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41 points

Goat cheese and baguette is top tier snack. Y’all don’t know how to live

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22 points

you can cut them you know?

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6 points

That breaks the simulation.

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6 points

“Hey, I just baked an entire loaf of bread, you interested?”

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6 points

I mean… Yes. Yyes please

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7 points

I buy baguettes roughly twice a week. They are amazing with oil and vinegar.

This is 4chan, though… I’m not shocked an incel would think this.

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3 points

…and roasted garlic, pesto, and…

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6 points
*

Yeah, my second to oldest daughter was visiting the other day and I offered her fresh sourdough toast and filtered chilled water, felt kind of funny like “here’s your bread and water” but it is a delicious snack.

Sourdough is sold in stores here, a loaf from Whole Foods was the reason I started baking again, that bread was so good but mine now is often even better. So maybe there is a big overlap between people who like fancy bread and people who make it? But even so - if you are making a soup and want bread with it, nobody is buying sliced white industrial sandwich bread for that, and I will occasionally ask my husband to pick up “fancy white bread - from the bakery section not the aisles.”

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1 point

Agreed! I had a get together with a friend on Friday, and among our many wonderful snacks was a loaf of picante cheese bread from the bougie bakery owned by our employer. That shit slaps, and people deserve to experience the carb-rich glory.

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0 points
Deleted by creator
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168 points
*

“Shit, man, shit shit shit.”

“Steve man. Calm the fuck down. What’s wrong?”

“It’s a customer, man.”

“Please tell me they didn’t take an orange from the bottom of the stack again.”

“No, no. Worse. So much worse. He’s buying the boule.”

“Ha. You had me worried for a minute. Nobody buys the boule. You misheard.”

“No, man, I’m telling you. He asked where it was. I made him repeat the question. He said again he wanted the ‘sourdough boule.’ He’s got it in his cart now.”

“…You’re serious.”

“Yes, man. He’s about to fucking buy the boule.”

“Shit, man. What are we going to do?”

“I don’t know. I- I don’t know. This has never happened before.”

“We have to alert them.”

“Them?”

“You know, them.”

“Wh- you mean the simulation people?”

“You got a better idea?”

“Yeah, maybe drinking bleach. Not to mention we have no way to con-”

“H-hello? Um… Sim- simulation people? Um-”

“What the fuck are you doing, Ted? You fucking dipshi-”

“Yes?”

“…”

“…”

“Steve… you… you heard that, ri-”

“I don’t have all day. What is it?”

“Shit, um.”

“Yes sir, um, Mister Simulator sir, I-”

“Missus.”

“Oh, um, sorry, the voice is just kindof… tinny an-”

“Look, we’ve got a problem. It’s one of the… simulated.”

“Mmm hmm?”

“He’s on his way to the checkout now.”

“And?”

“He’s buying the boule.”

“Mmm. Right. Thank you for alerting me. This anomaly will be dealt with.”

“Oh. Um. O…kay. Um. Thank yo-”

“Wait, how exactly will it be deal-”

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55 points

This reads like They’re Made Out of Meat. It’s brilliant.

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41 points

Thanks for the recommendation! Here’s the short story mentioned if anyone else wants a read: https://www.mit.edu/people/dpolicar/writing/prose/text/thinkingMeat.html

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10 points

That was a fun read! Thanks for that

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6 points

This American Life had H Jon Benjamin perform this, episode 803.

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2 points

And a short film based on the story.

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23 points

This is WBRC’s 9 o’clock news, I’m Ned Albertson.

Panic ensued today at a local supermarket, as a man got vaporised in the produce aisle. Warning, the following images are not for the faint of heart. Evan Kelp is reporting live from the scene.

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91 points

idk man, seems like an american problem to me.

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39 points

Are you watching their politics? This can’t be real, the writers are all over the top. The whole country is a simulation.

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8 points
*

I get some things when I scroll through c/all, that’s way then enough for me. I have no idea how the presidential race can even be remotely close. That being said I’m afraid that this behaviour and talking points are coming more and more to us. Some politicians of a conservative party here met several times with republicans and brought some “bright” ideas over here. Guess I’ll do the Robinson Crusoe some time and just move to a small island so I don’t have to deal with all this nonsensical shit fest.

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5 points

How we wish.

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2 points

“we” as in the countries affected by their foreign policy?

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4 points
*

Clinical insanity, that’s what it is.

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5 points

Sheltered American…they can’t keep the bread on the shelves where I’m at

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84 points

I often buy these. But, I always take care noone sees me buying them.

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23 points

This is the way. Don’t let OP know about us.

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15 points

I buy those baguettes and it would be lucky to make it home so I always buy two.

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5 points

Mmmm especially when they are still warm.

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2 points
*

boule shamed into a doughy closet

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77 points

r/ShitAmericansSay

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33 points
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Removed by mod
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3 points
*

Also their horrible sweet ass HFCS bread they think is normal

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2 points
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Deleted by creator
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0 points

Trailer people, really.

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