If only I were so lucky to have a porta john
I once shit in a porta-john at fort irwin, it was 109 outside, around noon, and a week’s worth of MREs were knocking at my back door. We were doing advance-party sight survey for a signal shot and goddamn I knew this shit was coming so I drove all over looking for an actual shitter. Opened the door, a cloud of flies hit me in the face, I threw my weapon at my squad leader and had the absolute worst shit of my life.
I should have shit out in the weeds. Damn near had a heat stroke and sensory overload from the absolute horror atmosphere of methane and heat. Every pore on my body instantly began sweating in overdrive. I could only think: please, please, I don’t want to die this way. Please.
Yeah, ‘‘dry heat’’ is not a thing inside the blue water swamp box. When I was in Mosul i had a similar experience, trouble was brewing, tripple digits in the afternoon. I usually try to make a TP throne because that plastic is hot af but time was short and for some reason the seat was kinda springy upwards a bit and the tp kept sliding off. At least the TCNs cleaned the things several times a day but that day I learned how sensitive some of my skin is to heat. So there I was dispensing liquids profusely and I realized I was actually in danger of heat stroke. I took my top off but it wasn’t enough. I opened the door much to the displeasure of an NCO that was walking by. She did not heed my request for a water bottle but the dry air actually felt cool immediately despite the temps and I lived another day to police up other people’s cigarette butts from the motor pool (I don’t even smoke, this is bullshit). I use arch btw.
