i like this question
one of the major roadblocks to figuring out i was trans is that a lot of my self value and perspective of the world was rooted in being a woman
the night i realized that wasn’t true, that i wasn’t a woman, that i probably had never been a woman, was truly incredible. everything i knew about the world fell away and for a short time, i saw everything with fresh eyes. nothing i had learned before was taken for granted; everything was subject to change, everything needed to be checked again
of course, over the course of the next week or so, i found that indeed, the world worked pretty similarly to how i had figured it did before. but ever since, a lot of things have changed, too. for example, it’s very hard to assume that people’s genders are set in stone anymore. prior, i thought them to be fairly rigid, known early in life. and now it’s more like… if you’re cis, it’s a little harder to assume you’ll always be cis, since most cis people haven’t gone through the internal work to even be open to the possibility that they’re not cis, nevermind the various threats to life and identity that come with it…
anyways, the point i was trying to get by talking about all this is- especially over the last decade or so, where i found out a lot of people i looked up to or even aspired to be like were total shitbags- i think that rooting your identity is a mistake
let yourself be open to being whatever you’re composed of at the moment… knowing you might need to release it in the next. appreciate it while it’s there, understand what you get out of it, and don’t be afraid to fall into its absence… trust that you’ll always find the solid ground of yourself below it
Patchwork of Theseus.
My identity is not something uniform or stable; it’s a collection of small things, combined together, that go from “my condition as a human being” to “what I ate this morning”. Sometimes one of those bits of identity falls off, as if a ragged piece of cloth unsewed itself from the patchwork; sometimes a new bit pops up, as if filling a hole. But it’s always changing.
Community, whatever that looks like for you. Each community has different values and ways of sharing.
For me, it’s performance art. The people I perform with are like a family to me, and I find joy in all the people I’ve directly affected and/or inspired ❤️
I have Borderline Personality Disorder. One of the symptoms that I suffer from is the inability to form a solidified sense of self identity. Defining myself to even myself is impossible.
I root mine in morality. I do the best I can, in whatever position I am. I do what I can, and be content I did the most I could. I try to be honest, understanding and humble. It can be hard honestly, but my identity depends on it so I persist.
