What’s your relationship like with your grandparents?
My grandma passed last weeek. I’ve been thinking about my relationship with her and my other grandparents. My family and I visit them on holidays and they were nice enough. But I don’t feel like I knew my grandma or know my other grandparents.
I think my family is weird maybe? Idk it’s the only one I know lol. We’d talk about tv and movies we’ve watched recently. What they watched. Tell the grandparents what was going on in our lives. Ask about what was going in grandma and grandpas life. Mostly get answers like “same old same old”, tales of doctor visits, or NCIS.
But like who are they as people? What were dreams when they were young? what adventures have they been on? what sparks joy in their life? What struggles have been through?
Like if I had to describe my grandmother I’d say she was a nice, pleasant lady who was mostly kind and liked cats, but not enough to get her own, just fed the neighbors cat. A description a stranger could give after meeting her talking for a bit maybe.
Looking back at my relationship with my grandparents, it all feels surface level. I never shared any of the hard shit I was dealing with, never really vulnerable around them. They were never vulnerable around me.
I don’t know many details of their life beyond career, maybe the places they’ve lived, pets they’ve owned.
Maybe that’s a reflection on my parents. We were never really vulnerable with each other about stuff, when someone was it was often mocked. My parents were not good parents a lot of the time. Who knows maybe that’s a result of their parents?
But umm yeah, Lemmy what’s your relationship like with your grandparents? Are you real close? Do you know them well, or more like a coworker you enjoy occasionally small talking with? Or rotten shitbags? I wish I knew my grandma better.
I’ve only talked (video call) to my grandparents once after the war started two years ago. The first second was already tense and the last was infinitely worse. I hoped that they would have known better than to believe everything that they saw on TV.
It kinda varies, for me.
My biological grandfather and step-grandmother were my closest, but it was mainly with her, and I didn’t realize it until she passed. I could tell so many stories about that woman, both from after my birth and well before it. Honestly, the further I accept myself, the more I realize she has always been my go-to for the woman I aspire to be.
My biological grandmother is a narcissistic piece of shit who I will never speak to again, if I can help it, and my step-grandfather along with her. When I was younger, I thought it was healthy, until I realized that what was happening was I was getting toys and shinies shoved at me so I’d look to her as a provider and ignore her shitty comments towards everyone else.
He’s not much better. He can’t handle not having control, but also hates showing it, so he acts like a passive-aggresive bully until he gets his way and when confronted on it shrugs and goes “Who I am. Don’t like it, go” then throws a tantrum when you do.
Sounds pretty similar to me and my grandparents, especially the part about not being vulnerable with each other. Mostly it’s surface-level talks. For example, my grandpa is into plants and gardening, so we might talk about the garden or his most recent visit to the garden center or something.
And I’m pretty sure behavior like this is passed down through generations.
I love my now only living grandmother. She is a friend to all of her grandchildren.
When my other grandparents were alive (and I was a child/teenager) our relationships were mostly formal.
Well, most of them are fairly dead, so…
