People argue about whether pineapple belongs on pizza, meanwhile someone out there is doing this.

Okay, so I suggested I’d be open to trying this.

I did.

I strongly suggest everyone else try it too.

Not because it’s good, but because I can’t bear to be the only one with memories of this horror.

Like, I’ve eaten bugs raw. I’ve eaten possum stew. I’ve eaten Jersey Mike’s ffs.

But this? While not as bad tasting as possum stew, it is a nightmare in its own way.

I love chocolate. Like, I would have sex with chocolate, but my wife made me promise not to as long as we’re together because monogamy. I would roll myself in chocolate, then devour myself in an ouroboros like frenzy. The running joke is that if you coated deer poop in chocolate, and told me that’s what it was, I would still lick the chocolate off. Me and chocolate go together like fish and water, in that I will fill a tub with it and drown myself in it and die happy.

You see what I’m getting at?

Okay. I still didn’t like this abomination

Reese’s cups barely qualify as chocolate, but that still clashed with the sauce and cheese in an unpleasant way. I’d liken it to drinking OJ after brushing your teeth, in that each chew cycled through bitterness, and I thought it would be over, but the peanut butter would break things up and make it happen again.

The sweetness made the sauce taste bad, and the sauce ruined the chocolate and peanut butter. All you got was this sugary mess of bitter tomato and the old-sock taste of the cheese. Most cheese has that funky bit underneath, but this made it the only part that would come through.

Strangely, the texture wasn’t bad. Not great, but it wasn’t offputting.

In all honesty, I can’t call it foul. I have had way worse things in my mouth (including an ex or two). But it was decidedly unpleasant.

Seriously, you have to try it just to experience how bad it really is

I don’t think I’ve ever been quite that high

I’ll try it. Could be pretty good

Pizza nipples.