I’m out of E today. My next appointment is in three days. This is the first time I’ve been without it since I started and I’m a little scared about how it’s gonna feel, but I’ll make it. After all, I made it this far… Just gotta make sure I don’t bite the heads off my coworkers.

Yesterday was the first time in my life I came close to self-harm. I bought some bralettes and gaffs to, I don’t even know, try to look more feminine I guess? But I tried them on and I looked, for lack of a better description, breathtakingly revolting. So bad I think I must have disassociated for about fifteen minutes, no thoughts no emotions, just pulling them off me like live snakes. Then I had a breakdown.

I had to fight the urge all day yesterday and today to delete this account, and my matrix account, and discord, and any other account I could remember, fight the urge to isolate myself from everyone and everything so I would never have to be perceived by anyone ever again.

:D

Tired. US politics/news are emotionally and mentally draining and depressing. I can’t really ignore it because they employ my ass, and apparently, there’s now a shitlist being built to target federal employees considered “hostile” to Orange Julius. That list definitely won’t be correlated with voter registration (which includes name, address, and potentialy party affiliation, and is publicly available if you have the persons full name).

It’s been a week that’s for sure