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I’ve found a lot of Onion headlines pretty mid and uninspired recently, but this one is aces. No notes.
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The new ownership group is Global Tetrahedron. According to their website, they were “born of the shadows, and are committed to control in all its forms.” They’ve also donated “300,000 guns to underprivileged communities”.
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What next? Someone getting stoned to death by pluto???
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