It has always been the most important. Now I’m gonna say something that usually results in people telling me I’m arrogant and sincerely this isn’t arrogance it’s just fact: I’m extremely intelligent. And I could not really have a spouse who wasn’t. When my wife and I met we both found such relief because we both feel this way. She’s highly intelligent and that was the most attractive quality to me.
I recognize though that it’s not the only quality of merit. She’s also extremely kind and loving and supporting, and independent of intelligence those too are extremely attractive and praiseworthy. I guess really I wish everyone could simply find a person who they are attracted to in many many respects. That’s the best foundation I think.
I’m extremely intelligent.
If you feel the need to say it, you probably aren’t as intelligent as you think you are.
…what? How do you expect them to demonstrate their intelligence within the span of a single comment, without telling you? This “comeback” doesn’t work if their intelligence constitutes actually relevant context.
They don’t need to prove their intelligence, but this entire line just throws off “but awkshully” vibes of someone who thinks too highly of themselves. Bolding mine.
Now I’m gonna say something that usually results in people telling me I’m arrogant and sincerely this isn’t arrogance it’s just fact: I’m extremely intelligent.
You know who brags about their intelligence enough to be told they are arrogant? Morons. Morons who think they are super smart do that.
If they left that one sentence out then the rest of their post as written would have made them look smart.
Very important.
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I want to be with someone I enjoy talking to.
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I admit that I couldn’t bring much to the sort of relationship where intelligence isn’t particularly important.
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Intelligence is heritable to a significant extent, which is important in case children are produced.
One downside (in a sense) is that this approach will probably lead to two very career-oriented people being together, which causes some problems.
Edit: I’m saying this as someone who is significantly above average on the sort of intelligence measured by SATs.
I got a perfect score on my SATs and I’m in my mid thirties and working in a bakery (not as a baker, I just sell bread and clean. It’s lovely).
Granted, it’s part time while I get a master’s degree, but I’ll be working 20 hours a week for mediocre pay when I finish, teaching adult language/integration courses for new immigrants.
Intelligence and ambition aren’t necessarily related, though obviously you get farther if you get good grades. Ambition is correlated with studying, diligence, and focus, so it tends to lead to higher SAT scores.
Conscientiousness and ambition aren’t the same thing but they are related, and conscientiousness appears to be uncorrelated or weakly negatively correlated with intelligence. With that said, I have met relatively few highly intelligent people who aren’t career-oriented; I can only guess about why.
A friend of mine is married to an intelligent, educated woman who simply doesn’t want to work. I don’t understand her - I would be bored out of my mind if I went more than a few months without a job. But I do sometimes envy my friend. He can support his family on a single income, and when he moves for work his wife has no difficulty coming with him. He can take jobs far from big cities because he doesn’t have to worry about being somewhere where she can find a job too. (Right now they live near the beach on an island in Florida.)
Meanwhile my partner and I have twice as much money as his family but we don’t even live together because I live near my job and she lives near hers. We’re both busy so we see each other once or twice a week. We aren’t just dating - we’re in a committed long-term relationship, but work comes first.
That depends on what you mean by intelligence.
I believe it depends on exactly what you define as “intelligent”
That’s where I’m at as well. Could go so many different ways; how do I know someone is intelligent? Do their conversations feel particularly deep to me? Do they invest their money well? Good at memorizing baseball facts?
At a certain point yeah, obviously if they just have wind blowing around inside their head it’s unlikely that I would find them desirable as a partner. So in a way it is very important to me. But the vast majority of people are capable of nurturing loving and rewarding relationships rooted in who they are as a whole, whether or not they are remarkably intelligent. So in another way it’s not important at all
There is a Chinese expression: “The ugly wife is a treasure at home”
It is possible ugly can be substituted for dull (mentally).
