How do you not drip back onto it? Do you use paper too? How is it okay for me to use the same one right after Typhoid Larry? Doesn’t poo go everywhere?
It just seems so weird.
I was always confused about the usefulness of bidets because I was taught to wipe with wetted tp at least once while wiping.
I’m going to explain how an Italian bidet works, I don’t know if you’re referring to some other kind of bidet (e.g. the pressure washers).
You do your thing, then you lightly clean yourself with paper. Don’t waste too much paper, just one pass or two will suffice.
Then you get up from the toilet bowl and go on the bidet. In Italy, it’s always next to the toilet bowl so you don’t have to walk around like a maniac. The best way to sit on the toilet is to “ride it” as if it was a horse (so you face the water).
You open the water, maybe you wait for it to become warm (it depends on the kind of heating system you have in your home, sometimes it takes longer to come out warm). Then you get some soap (we use a specific kind of delicate liquid soap that we call “intimate soap” in Italian). You apply the soap to your private parts and you rinse using the water.
After you’ve finished cleaning, you dry youself using a personal towel. This is important: you don’t share your bidet towel with anybody. We usually use a smaller kind of towel.
And that’s how an Italian uses a bidet.
Is the irresistible and sublime pleasure of touching your own feces and removing them with your finger from your anus
Oh, this is what drives my motivation, what I wake up for every day, what gives me reason to exist.
I think the evolution of toiletry hygiene should go like this:
- Clean with paper
- Clean with a cup of water and your hands ✋, preferably the right hand with which you shake hands later 🤝 Save yourself some seasoned poo under your nails that you can chew on later.
- Clean with a water stream (secondary bidet or nozzle)
- Clean with an automatic toilet seat. Let AI analyze the status of your anus and do the cleaning.
- Plug and play suction tube. Cleaning not necessary.
Jokes aside, the thing that boggles my mind over and over again is that here in Germany people are not aware of present technologies that are evidently cleaner and more comfortable.
They are building new houses. They are building new toilets. They are hiding the toilet and water plumbing behind walls. They think they fancy by doing this. They are essentially taking away their option to install a bidet seat for life. They don’t realize their mistake. This is one criteria for me when looking for new housing. I don’t want to go back to dirty cave age. I want to live in the future! I want to feel clean. I want my cheeks to not stick to each other.
The worst thing is that this is a no-go topic to talk about. I brought this topic into my family by talking funny language. I’m happy that at least my stepdad took it up and now uses a happypo brush-bottle. They, too, hid their plumbing behind walls in their just-“renovated” bathroom. I can talk to him about it. He acts like this was always his idea, but well, at least there’s one more person on our side.
I wonder if we will first get to unified species space age with dirty anuses or whether we first get to collectively accept this “new” technology.
I have a Toto that has a remote to let me control the flow, and it has a blow dryer for my bum. It’s self-cleaning and also has a heated seat. When society collapses it will be the the object I miss most. Haven’t used a poop knife in years.
bro need us to explain him basic hygiene
