58 points

Do a flip!

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27 points

Please, old friend, don’t jump! Use another method that won’t damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

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31 points

At press time, reports confirmed firefighters had arrived to carry the man to the top floor.

He was lucky to have such good people supporting him to succeed.

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10 points

I can only hope I’ll be so lucky.

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26 points

"The people who love you want you dead, not injured!”.

That’s… Actually a very valid concern.

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11 points
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