Job: cashier
Item doesn’t scan
Customer: “That means it’s free, right?”
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Only about 4 weeks in as a cashier and I’ve heard this enough to last me a lifetime.
Job: Software Dev
Internal stakeholder or C-Suite: presents nebulous idea for workflow/product/feature with no actual end goal
“We have a CRITICAL need for this product. It will REVOLUTIONIZE everything we do here. The stakes could not be higher. THIS MUST BE COMPLETED ASAP”
My boss: Okay. We will move heaven and Earth to get this done for you.
Me: Works 60 hours a week for two months to ensure the new product is successful
Also me: checking usage statistics six months later…last used by me during go live testing
I hate my life.
Job: Supervisor
Customer pays with a $50 or $100 bill and the till requires that I check it
Customer: “It’s good, I just printed it this morning.”
Some days I just had to pretend I didn’t hear them.
Pro tip: if you have a “go to” joke you always say in a given situation, guaranteed the person you’re saying it to has already heard it several times this week. Just don’t.
And before anyone responds with “they’re just trying to improve your day” they’re not. If I don’t find the joke funny they get offended, that means they aren’t doing it for me, they’re doing it to show off how great and funny they are.
Pro tip: don’t tell someone a joke if you’re going to be offended if they don’t laugh.
Job: Cook
Person: Manager
“No one wants to work anymore”
No one ever wanted to work motherfucker. That’s why we’re fucking paid to be here. If you weren’t paying us we wouldn’t fucking be here. But you pay us the bare fucking minimum and expect us to work like we’re paid immense luxury wages.
Take a sandy brick and insert it as a suppository.
“You didn’t teach us this.”
I’m currently a medical student in my clinical rotations…
Me: “So it looks like we’re due for our (blank) month/year vaccinations. Have those been done already or do we need them today?”
Parent: “Oh, we’re not vaccinating.”
Me: screaming internally
I was going to say the EXACT same thing. People even are refusing the vitamin K shot in their newborns
I’ve heard the neonatologists say that they make the parents repeat back, write down, and sign a consent form that says “I understand that refusing the vitamin K shot significantly increases the chances of bleeding, including brain bleeds that can lead to significant disability or death.”
Not many people seem to want to sign that form for some reason.
