I dont remember the age, but it was before Kindergarten, thought men came into the house at night to load the next days shows into the TV.
The other guy wisely decided not to comment, but as they say, fools rush in. This is a tough topic to navigate, because the “nice guy” label now mostly applies to those self-proclaimed Nice Guys™ who act entitled and turn nasty when women turn them down.
I have had the same experience that OP had. I thought, based on what adults told me, that the proper way was to follow that other infamous dating advice, to “be yourself,” live my life, treat everybody with basic respect and kindness, and that would be enough: Of all the women I fancied, I would meet one who fancied me back, and we’d start a relationship. It’s not an unreasonable idea, and to be fair, it happened that way for me once, which lent credence to the idea.
I believe that’s what OP meant when he said “women are attracted to nice guys.” That’s certainly the message I got as a young man, and it was wrong.
This sounds like people are bummed out that they need to put in effort and aren’t just cherished and loved for simply existing in the relationship. But that is true for everyone, not just for men.
I actually think it’s just a relatively new concept for straight men because in the past (and that’s still in our culture) women needed a man. And therefore it was enough to exist as a guy and not be a jerk to “get” a woman.
I think the issue is that that’s literally what we’re told by well-meaning parents and authority figures: “Just be yourself,” or “just be confident.” It’s also the cultural message that we get about how we’re supposed to treat our partners.
The problem is that “women are attracted to nice guys” implies that “being nice” itself is “enough” to be attractive. Guys get this idea that all they have to bring to the table is “I’m not a jerk” and the ladies will fall into their laps. The problem is, the jerk down the road is in better shape, has interesting hobbies, and/or has a real, dependable job. Being “nice” is like having two slices of bread and saying you have a sandwich. If you don’t put anything between the bread slices, everyone’s going to opt to order the burrito instead because it’s got an actual filling.
Glad you said it, so I don’t have to. The harsh truth that straight men need to hear is that for most of us, nobody will ever love us for who we are. We’re nothing but mammals, and mating is a competition.
