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Screenshot of a Tumblr post by indigosfindings:
imagine if someone just like started addressing you as Dipshit, like youre just talking about your day & they say “no way Dipshit, that’s crazy.” and then maybe you say to them that you would prefer not to be addressed as Dipshit & their response is “well in my major metropolitan area ‘Dipshit’ is not considered an insult. im not saying i think youre stupid when i call you Dipshit, i call my mom dipshit all the time” so you say Thats cool but please dont call Me that. and then they just repeat that it’s something they say daily, they call all of their best friends & lovers dipshits & are called dipshit in return. “my grandma calls me dipshit at the dinner table, it doesnt mean anything.” so you say Yes i understand that your friends & grandma arent bothered by being called Dipshit but i am, & i would prefer if you didnt address me as that. and they say “it’s literally not possible for me to stop calling you dipshit, and it’s not reasonable for you to ask me to, dipshit.” anyway this post is about nothing in particular
I’m personally kind of reminded of how “faggot” and “dyke” are being “taken back” and used jokingly/sarcastically, but I still get really uncomfortable if someone uses them with me. They’ll say “oh I don’t mean it offensively!” But it’s not really up to you to decide what’s offending another person or not.
I grew up with those words being common and I hope they don’t come back in any form. They’re very damaging even to straight males. But I’m sure as long as there’s a counter culture they won’t go away.
Case in point, I’ve been getting really into Latin dance, taking group classes, taking private classes, etc. the people that I see dance that look amazing are having a lot of fun with the dance and the music, the body movements, everything. When I try to move a certain way with my hips there’s this fucking voice in my head that’s snickering saying “gay” and if I can get out of my own fucking head and just feel the music, feel myself and connect with who I’m dancing with I have a great time and I get a lot of compliments. I hate that even when I know it’s wrong and even completely illogical the fear of being perceived as feminine or weak is something that I have to struggle with on a personal level.
Yeah, it’s like people say “Please don’t call me that,” and instead the person who called them that hears “You did something wrong for calling me that,” and they get defensive. It’s one of those things that, once you notice, you’ll see it everywhere. Not just about nicknames. It could be anything. It’s like no matter what you say in response they just view it like you’re angry or saying they’re a bad person. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but I don’t like it and would prefer that you didn’t.” Nope. Some folks just can’t comprehend it. “I know other people are okay with it. I’m not saying you should stop calling them that.” Nope! Their ego is now in defense mode lol.
instead the person who called them that hears “You did something wrong for calling me that,” and they get defensive. It’s one of those things that, once you notice, you’ll see it everywhere.
And not just about language and people addressing each other.
This phenomenon has been enhanced and amplified with online discussion, so that now we all “choose” to spend our time around people and spaces that reflect how we already feel about a variety of things. So that as soon as you encounter someone outside of that comfort zone who has different preferences, you will see it as stressful and hostile.
In the Great Before Times, when people talked to each other face-to-face, we all learned pretty fast that we need to be compromising and thoughtful and actually listen to each other without presumption of hate or hostility, or we get pushed away from people and end up alone. Or punched in the snotlocker.
I once had someone tell me very very earnestly that the word Queer - a word I literally marched under in protest - was the worst most horrible slur ever, then turn around and use fruit.
Baby comm members need naptime methinks
Tbf, that word in it’s original definition literally means “Weird” or “Unnatural”. Like: “A circle in the triangle factory? How queer!”
As for all the other words and their association with LGBTQ I have no clue.
I’m fine with it as an adjective, not a noun, which I’m aware is a pretty fine distinction for a lot of people.
But I also use it exactly because of the reason you describe.
I don’t just want scrubbed white monogamous wealthy gay men like Peter Thiel and Neal Patrick Harris to be free, I want everyone to be free, particularly when their self expression is highly unusual.
There never needs to be a square liberation movement, but there will always be a need for queer liberation.
I have one friend who uses the R word and insists it’s to reclaim the term, but they almost exclusively use it in a self-degrading manner. They seem to be the only one in their circle that uses the word, and they’ve had lively arguments over whether or not it’s a word to reclaim. I’ve stayed out of it but when the only person I’ve encountered who says they’re trying to reclaim a slur seems to be using it to degrade themselves, I question if it’s worth even trying to reclaim. It’s just a word, let it be entirely forgotten to the sands of time like “forsooth” and any other words I don’t know because they’ve left virtually all people’s lexicons
