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16 points
*

They tried this with firefighters before way back when, and then realized that fire doesn’t seem to care who’s subscribed or not lol. Can you imagine? “The fire and EMS lobby” would be powerfully pushing for reduced safety and maybe even starting fires themselves LOL.

Edit while looking up the first thing: Oh my word… mercenary firefighters are a thing for the rich and we’re living in clown world.

EDIT: Link went to NYT because it was top result, but screw that lol. Fixed.

I can see it now though…

Privatized emergency services be like:

“Thank you for calling 9-1-1, this is Janeanniesomebody, can I have your 14-digit emergency insurance number, date of birth, and mother’s maiden name please. Okay thank you, one moment while I verify that…” (Click)

"Your call is very important to us. Want to skip the line when it matters most? Did you know, for only $49.97 a month, you can get Emergency-Services-Plus+! Whether you want help fast, or to regret being covered for the rest of your life, we have a plan right for YOU!

“Remember, emergency insurance means you can have peace of mind that, when you’re in mortal danger, we’re only a phone call and 45-minutes-to-1-business-day away! Not signed up yet? Press 1, and we can help!”

((Trendy upbeat hold music))

“Did you know? We’re always hiring!”

(Receiver pickup) “Thank you for calling this is Devaidengregjimmothy, dispatch specialist, how can I help you today? Hello?..Hello?..”

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12 points

Cassius from the tail end of the roman republic famously was the richest man in Rome and owned the “fire brigade”. When a fire broke out he would only put it out after the owner agreed to sell the place for next to nothing.

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10 points

Crassus.

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5 points

You are right, my bad.

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-2 points

Also the guy whom Parthians had drink molten gold.

He wanted to try himself as a general too, but that didn’t quite work out.

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