I just need all of this AI assistant shit to go away.

GrapheneOS doesn’t have any of this BS.
Despite what some people (who never used GOS and have idea how it works) say, everything except for Google Pay and a small portion of banking apps works just fine on it. You can check if your bank’s app is supported: https://privsec.dev/posts/android/banking-applications-compatibility-with-grapheneos/
If you need Google Play services, you can easily install them, and it will still be more private than on a standard Android device, thanks to a custom sandboxing mechanism.
Security is just phenomenal, and I think it’s fair to call GrapheneOS the most secure mobile operating system out there.
It also enhances the longevity of your phone, because GrapheneOS provides feature updates as long as Google provides security updates. Some devices with the Stock OS (like e.g. the Pixel 6a) receive security updates for 5 years, but Google only provides feature updates for 3 years. GrapheneOS extends that period to 5 years as well.
It’s also super easy to install, and it’s fully free & open source. It is truly amazing. I recommend watching this video to learn more about it: https://invidious.fi/watch?v=yTeAFoQnQPo