“I don’t understand women.”
Whenever someone has an issue with an SO, then extrapolates that to all women… that’s a red flag to me that this guy has a lot more misogynistic views just outside the frame of view.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL complain about their SOs with “Pft. Women, right?” And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your SO? Or just your SO when they’re with you?
And this case like most relationship issues comes down to insecurities and bad/non-existent communication. To which, let’s face it, male socialization is a major contributor.
With stoicism and a fear of vulnerability, we’re far too often standing standing in our own way.
What if they don’t understand all women? Why do you extrapolate your personal experience to all people… That’s a red flag to me.
This presupposes that men and women are fundamentally and irreconcilably different. I just don’t think that’s true, based on both my experiences and the psychological data I’ve reviewed throughout my life.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL base their conclusions on experiences and the psychological data they’ve reviewed throughout their lives. And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your limited psychological data? Or just your subjective experiences?
Women and men do have a different way of thinking the majority of the time. It’s about learning to cope with and deal with the other one’s feeling. If you want a woman, you have to be willing to deal with woman moments. If you want a man, you have to be willing to deal with man moments. Simple. Relationships cannot be perfect.
As an AMAB who is vaguely uncomfortable enough with the gender binary to use he/they pronouns but still presents masc in every context — I have met many people of all and no genders who think so completely differently to me it’d be better to use zodiac signs than gender markers to divide personalities (and no I don’t think astrology is real).
it’s complicated. I think generally, women have a different mannerism of thinking than man, primarily due to nuture, women grow up in a different environment, talk to people differently, and experience the world differently, this leads them to a point where you inherently have a different view of the world.
It’s neither good or bad, it just is. Of course this is not a strict definition, and it’s particularly fluid around the middle point, but this is a broad reaching generalization that seems to be mostly accurate.
Men and women have tendencies and subculture, sure. But they’re not mutually unintelligible if you make even a little effort to try and understand the other side as fundamentally human people. For example, by listening to them and taking their positions seriously (even if the specific situation does not call for believing every factual claim).
I think we mostly agree here, just with slightly different framing.
How could I possibly calm down? Who am I married to then? Fuck!
(That was me joining the joke for anybody who might not get that otherwise.)
It’s not misogynistic to admit you have trouble communicating with women.
Do you think that’s what’s happening (both in my example but also the OP greentext)? That they’re admitting they have trouble communicating?
I could see a literal interpretation of “I don’t understand women” as a standalone sentence being reasonably interpreted that way, sure. But given the context, I think that’s really unlikely.
I think they’re expressing frustration about not being able to communicate with women, and I think it’s easy to misinterpret that frustration as aggression or misogyny.
The behavior of the wife in the OP would never be exhibited by a man, right? So calling it a “women” thing isn’t inaccurate.
Your reply extrapolates OP to mean all women. Which is exactly like when a woman makes a claim about men and men in the comments reply “not all men!” You’re doing that.
You don’t think a man has ever tried to use divorce as a threat to change his spouses behavior?
Maybe I’m misunderstanding your point, but I could see a man doing what the wife in the greentext did. It wouldn’t fit the stereotypes we have of dudes, but yeah I think it’s possible.
Including the crying and ripping it up?
Really?
In that sequence?
Horseshit.
Not sure why you got downvoted because I had the same reaction when I read it. This is your spouse and treating her request for divorce and obvious associated emotional distress as something related to her gender rather than the specifics of your relationship seems incredibly dismissive and misogynistic.
Who knows, lol. But I’m more than happy to engage with people who disagree, so long as it remains relatively civil.
I’ve had plenty of gender-coded miscommunication with my wife over the years. But that’s far, far outweighed by more individual differences (like neurotypical v neurodivergent, mismatched communication habits, and mismatched expectations from how we were raised. Hell even just regional differences.
And when it comes to the other married guys I know, I’ve provided advice (upon request) that basically boiled down to (1) you don’t “win” a marriage, (2) treat her like a partner not an adversary (even if she’s treating you adversarially for now), and (3) be open and vulnerable when you can. It’s amazing how many of them have just… never once heard that advice from anyone else their whole life. Wild out here.