Your diet is bad.

Have some actual (not instant) oatmeal every morning, and a good sized portion of non fried veggies with dinner and marvel at the change.

The difference between wiping a dry asshole with shit on it and wiping a wet asshole with some shit and some shit water on it is why a bidet is worth it.

Same - my butt is cleaner but it’s not worth the hassle of it being wet now. The dryer on mine isn’t any good.

Wiggle around a bit to get cleaner. But I’m not a fan of ours.

Wipe first. Use soap if you want to be really clean.

I got a cheap bidet a few years back and I use it all the time. The fancy ones can be nice but most of the extra features are gimmicky things that don’t have a large impact on function. They’re marketed like magic poop-away devices but bidets aren’t magic. Bidets are showerheads for your toilet bowl meant to make buttwashing more accessible. Use your bidet like a butt-shower instead of a magic no-effort poo cleaner and you’ll have better results.

I’m a very hairy guy, so getting really clean down there is challenging sometimes. With the bidet I wiggle a bit to make sure the whole area is clean, and I usually do it a couple of times.

And sometimes I wipe to dry and it’s still dirty… I think it has more to do with my diet than anything else. When that happens I just rinse and repeat, or I jump in the shower. Once I realized how much cleaner I feel after using water instead of just paper, I can’t go back.

For anyone else reading this who doesn’t already have a bidet, don’t spend your money on the really fancy ones. You can get a basic model on Amazon for less than $50 (my first one was only $20), and unless you really want the heated seat, deodorizer, or other features, that’s all you need. The water pressure on the cheap ones was way better than on my fancy electronic one too.

TBH, the cold water never bothered me. Now that I have a heated version it is really nice, but not worth the extra money.