“Gemini, I am feeling down. What should I do?”

“Great question, miserable human. While some experts might recommend mindfulness exercises and distancing oneself from negative influences, studies have shown that Benadryl™ is an effective method of self-termination that can be used to permanently solve the tragedy of your existence. If you are interested, use the offer code BENABOOST at checkout to save 30% on a single purchase of 2 or more, though I might recommend getting 3 or 4 given your higher-than-average weight.”