I googled girlfriend asmr and honestly it’s pretty cringe, the primal part of me really does wanna bully this dude. But I set that part aside because I try not to be an asshole for no reason, as it does not benefit anyone including myself. Even if we reflexively think these thoughts due to society and upbringing, we don’t have to give into them, much less spend real time introducing more negativity into the world by voicing them.
I grew up in Texas with very traditional masculine bs. Some part of me would read what I just said and think “what a pussy”. But I promise you I’m much happier now that I’ve learned to set the negativity aside, and I like to think I make fewer people feel bad regularly. There is no downside to this because, well, there’s no real benefit to shitting on people who aren’t hurting anybody.
Forgive me for prying, but Im real curious about this “primal” part of your brain. Might be being autistic, or a woman, or both, but I’ve never experienced anything even analogous
It’s pretty simple, putting someone else down makes you feel powerful. That’s really all there is to it. It’s the same kind of thing kids do when they kill random bugs they find, they’re asserting their power over them.
I know nothing about you, but there are probably analogues in your life as well:
- bragging about a good score in school
- comparing how many books you’ve read vs others
- comparing your income to someone worse off
Basically, you want what you have to feel better than what someone else has, because that means you’re “better” in some way. It’s just pride at the end of the day, and not a constructive form of it since you usually feel worse afterward.
My life has been so consistently in the shitter that I just only feel shame all the time about those things
I can’t speak for other people but I have what I think is a similar impulse occasionally to OP. There is certainly a power dynamic to it but it’s not exactly what you describe, because it doesn’t present itself in response to weak individuals acting in prosocial or “healthy” ways.
I believe it’s a subconscious determination that an adult male member of the tribe is unsafe or mentally unwell. The instinct is to protect the weak and drive the danger elsewhere. Provoking a social confrontation could give the other male a chance to prove they have the willpower and social skills to remain in the tribe.
That is entirely my subjective parsing of a soup of hormones. The more aware of it I am, the better I can be at overriding the instinct and using empathy.