I’m starting to think that my life is over and I don’t want to live anymore. As of writing this I am a 23 year old woman with no qualifications or education. I have learning disabilities and my IQ is just 76. I struggle with things like talking, maths and spelling and I can’t find a job.
When I was a kid I knew I was different. Things that were easy for the other kids to do took me ages to learn. Kids used to make fun of me because of the way I talked and in general I could fit in. As I got older my learning disabilities become more noticeable. I was diagnosed with ADHD and low intelligence and therefore struggled academically but my dad refused to put me in a special education program because he thought it would be an embarrassment. School was very hard for me. I would work my ass off just to get C’s and B’s and my father was very abusive. He would expect me to do well in school and if I didn’t he would beat and punish me. I had to repeat the 7th and 9th grade but I eventually graduated but very poor grades and no qualifications. When I was around 15-18 started to do drugs like weed and alcohol just to cope.
I left my parents house when I was 19 and went to live with a friend. I have very little money as I’m addicted to drugs and my lack of education makes getting a job practically impossible. I don’t see my life going anywhere and when I’m not on drugs I’m miserable. My brothers and sisters have done so much better then me and it makes me so jealous, angry and ashamed. I know this may sound cringe but I honestly can’t do this anymore.
EDIT: I now have a job at Burger King as a cook. It’s not glamorous but it’s some money.
You’ve already got some good advice but in no particular order:
-
You are much more articulate than a lot of people. You can read and write better than a lot of people.
-
You’ve been at least emotionally and physically abused
-
You know how to work hard.
-
ADHD is somewhat treatable with medication, at least improvable.
What that translates to:
-
no it isn’t too late, especially if you keep working hard.
-
the things you blame yourself for likely isn’t your fault. Therapy, when you can afford it, should be a priority.
-
working hard is so important for employment. Most jobs don’t require high intelligence. Working hard with a good attitude and working with people is so much more important for most careers.
-
learning disabilities suck. ADHD is hard. You can still learn coping mechanisms and find ways or a career that fits better with it.
Life is hard. It’s harder for you than most. It can still be worth living, but it will be up to you to find a way. I think you can.
