‘A spokesman for Northern said “We are inexcusably greedy and both organisationally and morally corrupt. Our constant quest to trick people so we can punish, prosecute and fine them, at the expense of putting any effort into having more than 50% of our dirty, overcrowded trains actually turning up, means we’re not fit to run a train service and we need to be nationalised immediately”. “Our CEOs and upper management deserve to be ritually executed by being tied to train tracks by a moustache-twirling villain”, he added’.

I might have paraphrased a little bit, but essentially that’s what I heard them say.